Side Effects
by wheredidtheygo
Summary: Tegan and Sara go through some hardships as they set off on their very first tour through Canada. Quincest.
1. What Happens On The Bus Stays On The Bus

**A/N: **Okay, I lied. This story is going to be my next multi-chap fic. since it actually deals with them being sisters and musicians! I'm really excited for this plot even though I have no idea where it's going to go yet but I hope you all enjoy the first chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)

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She grabbed Tegan by the elbow, dragging her away from the sleazy middle-aged man. She stopped, satisfied that they were far enough away to keep their conversation private. She took a deep breath and ran a boney hand through her greasy, short blonde hair.

"We don't have any other options, Tegan. We need to do this," Sara stated the words firmly.

Tegan looked to her feet, finding a small pebble, and kicked it across the abandoned parking lot where their Volkswagen bus broke down. Neither could remember what the gentleman outside the bar had told them what was wrong with their traveling house last night after their set, only that it would probably cost around four hundred dollars to repair. Tegan knew they only had about one hundred dollars left until they got to the next city, and played their next show, so Sara was right. It was do this, or become homeless in an unknown city in Ontario.

"Okay, but on one condition," Tegan agreed, giving in. She turned her head towards the man and the huge, incognito black bus behind him, finally feeling the severity of what they were about to do sink in.

"What?" Sara eyed Tegan up and down cautiously.

"When it's all over, we never speak of it again and we don't let it ruin our relationship." Tegan stuck her hand out, her pinky pointing straight.

Sara nodded curtly, hooked her own pinky with Tegan's, and sealed the promise, just like how they did when they were kids. She then turned on her heel, walking away from Tegan and over to the man, ready to get this over with. Tegan followed a few paces behind, her mind racing, and allowed Sara to do all the talking.

"Have you made your decision, ladies?" The man licked his dry, chapped lips, eyeing the two up and down.

"Yes. We'll do it." Sara said.

"Excellent!" He clapped his hands together and turned around. He led them onto the bus while explaining what was to come, "It's all very simple. I'll have you start on the couch with introductions and I'll direct you on what to do, just follow my lead. Got it?"

The two girls nodded in unison, cringing as they sat down on the worn, velour couch. Across from them, the man removed the lens cap from the video camera resting on a tripod and turned it on. A small red light appeared and he grabbed the clipboard resting next to him, beginning the introductions.

"So ladies, can you tell us your names?" He put his pen to the paper, waiting.

"Rain," Tegan blurted out, trying to play it cool as if that were her real name, and not her obscure middle name.

Sara glanced at Tegan, surprised she hadn't thought about doing that herself. If they ever made it big with music and the public found out about what they were about to do, their career would be over in a flash. She looked back at the lens and opened her mouth, "Kiersten."

He nodded, "How old are you?"

"Nineteen," they answered at the same time.

"And you are identical, lesbian twins?" He continued on in a professional, monotone voice.

"Is it that obvious?" Sara replied playfully. With Tegan's buzzed head and labret piercing and Sara's short spiky bleached hair and eyebrow piercing mixed with the baggy jeans they both wore, they were the definition a stereotypical dyke.

"Have you two ever been physical with one another? Or fantasized about it?" His top lip curled up into a creepy grin, already fantasizing himself about what they were about to do.

"No." Tegan said while Sara shook her head.

"Well there's a first time for everything," he chuckled, earning identical weak smiles from the two young sisters. He took the camera off the tripod and stood up, moving closer to the couch. "Can you kiss for me?"

Tegan gulped, pleading to Sara with her eyes that she take the lead. Sara scooted closer, closing the distance between their bodies and rested a shaky hand on Tegan's thigh. Tegan took a deep, shuddery breath and closed her eyes in anticipation as Sara drew nearer. Soft lips came into contact with one another, though only one set was applying pressure. Sara slipped her tongue into Tegan's mouth, forcing her to kiss back. Tegan creased her eyebrows, finding the sensation weird until she could taste the faint trace of Sara's coffee from earlier, relaxing her.

Sara slid her hand further up Tegan's leg and under her shirt, gripping at Tegan's soft flesh, feeling no need to take it slow like she normally would. Tegan mimicked her actions, linking her hands together in the dip of Sara's back under her t-shirt. Minutes passed as they explored each other's mouths, the action coming easier than either expected.

"Show me your bodies," he instructed when they paused to take a breath.

They slipped off their Converse shoes and socks first then stood up. Sara helped Tegan remove her shirt and Tegan helped Sara, kissing each time it felt necessary. They unbuckled their belts and dropped their pants, leaving them in only underwear to reveal the curves that were always hidden under oversized clothing. Two sets of eyes rapidly took in every inch of the other's soft skin and toned stomachs, wondering just how identical they really were underneath the remaining material. Soon, bras and panties were added to the pile on the floor and fingers itched to touch the other's pale skin as hormones took over.

They stood naked side by side facing the camera, letting it catch each difference between their bodies. Tegan had wider hips with thicker thighs and slightly larger breasts. Sara was slightly taller and thinner, with a small patch of trimmed curly hair on her mound.

The man gave them a thumbs up, letting them continue. Sara guided Tegan to lay on her back on the couch before situating herself between her legs. She planted light kisses down her body, causing Tegan to shiver as she felt Sara's own hardened nipples graze across her skin, until she was inhaling her sweet scent. One hand toyed with her left breast while the other trailed along her inner thigh. Sara sighed, taking in her sister's shaved, pink cunt. She ran her wet tongue between Tegan's swollen lips. She took a moment before diving back in, her head spinning over the sweet, but slightly bitter taste.

Sara's tongue came back into contact, sucking on Tegan's swollen clit then moving down to probe her with her erect tongue. Tegan arched her back in pleasure and lifted her legs, holding the back of her thighs, just right above her knees, as Sara continued to work her tongue magically through her dripping folds. The man hovered over her as he recorded from every angle possible, catching two of Sara's long, slender digits slinking their way deep inside Tegan with no resistance. Sara began pumping in and out, the muscles in her bicep prominent as she picked up her speed. Her sister squirmed beneath her, moaning out obscenities each time her younger counterpart would curl her fingers ever so slightly upwards.

"Oh yeah, fuck.. I'm.. Oohhh!" Tegan cried as her legs squeezed shut, trapping Sara's face in her pussy while her orgasm ripped through her. Tegan's legs relaxed when her body came down from cloud nine, releasing Sara.

Sara sat back on her heels, a dazed expression coating her face. Though she has gone down on a handful of girls, none of them had tasted as delicious as Tegan nor had they ever put her in a headlock from such an intense orgasm.

Tegan sat back up and crossed her legs, trying to hide the fact that she was still horny while they waited for more instructions. The man set the camera down and excused himself, escaping through the black curtain towards the back of the bus. He returned a few seconds later, handed Tegan a black harness with a slightly bigger than average flesh colored dildo attached to it, and tossed a condom to Sara. She gave a small smile and stepped into it, pulling the straps up around her hips.

"Have you ever used one of these, Rain?" He asked as he twisted the lens, zooming out to get a full body shot as Sara was sat on the couch watching Tegan adjust the straps of the harness.

Tegan peeked up through her eyelashes, a sly smirk playing at her lips. "A few times, yeah," she chuckled.

"And you, Kiersten?"

"Uh-huh," she uttered, unable to tear her eyes away from the sight in front of her to look into the camera.

Tegan turned her hips toward Sara, strap-on in place, and held the base while Sara rolled the red condom onto the shaft. She gave it a few strokes before taking the tip into her mouth, unsure of where to go from there. The palm of Tegan's hand came to rest on the crown of Sara's head, encouraging her.

As simple as the action was, it gave Sara the boost she needed. Her jaw slackened as she took almost all of Tegan into her mouth, holding still until she felt herself about to gag. A string of saliva connected her to the phallus as she drew back. Tegan kept her hand on Sara's head, helping her as her head bobbed, giving Tegan an expert blowjob.

"Fuck her," the man behind the camera instructed quietly into Tegan's ear, having been standing behind her to catch a point of view shot.

Tegan gave him a short nod and pushed Sara back against the couch. Sara propped her feet up on the edge of the cushion and spread herself. Tegan angled her knees to rest next to the inside of Sara's feet and she propped a hand on the back of the couch. Her other hand continued to hold the base of the cock as she centered it over Sara's wet, pink entrance. She rubbed it up and down between Sara's lips for extra lubricant then slid it in slowly, but easily. A guttural moan passed through Sara's lips when their hips met.

Tegan pulled out and closed her eyes in concentration, letting her mind focus on only the simple in and out movement she had to with her hips before ramming back into Sara, filling the room with the slick sound of her and her scent.

"Fuuuck!" Sara moaned loudly. Her eyes widened at the sudden pressure and pleasure. She dug her trimmed nails into Tegan's back, goading her to fuck her even harder.

Tegan clenched her teeth at the pain and grabbed Sara's calves. She straightened them out and held them against her chest, giving her more leverage. As she continued to pound into Sara at a speed she didn't know she was capable of, Sara reached for a pillow to shove her face into to muffle her screams. Tegan's head drooped low as Sara's legs quivered against her. Sara threw the pillow away, choosing to let her loud moans and panting be heard.

"Change positions," the man directed, interrupting them.

He held the camera at his waist while they found a new position. Tegan slid out of Sara and plopped down onto the couch. She wiped the sweat from her forehead. Her legs were wobbly from overexertion and she motioned for Sara to ride her. Sara complied, straddling Tegan. The sun gleamed down through the bus windows and onto Sara's face, her cheeks glistening in the light with Tegan's cum. Tegan was mesmerized as Sara guided the tip back into her now loosened entrance, letting it fill her completely until her bottom met Tegan's thighs. She pulled back up only to lower herself a second later, letting her body get used to the feeling of this new position. Picking up her pace, she developed a steady rhythm. Tegan gripped Sara's hips, aiding in her movements, and fell into a trance of watching the heavy breasts inches from her face bounce up and down. Sara smirked, moving her left hand from Tegan's shoulder to her own chest and pinched a nipple, teasing her. Her lips parted as she leaned forward, her tongue circling the stiff bud. Sara gasped in pleasure and Tegan looked up, the smirk still playing at Sara's lips as their eyes connected. The look on Sara's face concerned Tegan. She couldn't tell if Sara was a great actress, or she was really that into it. What concerned Tegan even more though, was that she could feel herself getting wet again from watching Sara. This wasn't supposed to be about the sex, or the pleasure, it was about making a sacrifice to be able to continue touring and playing music.

Tegan drew her head back and focused on just getting this over with. She pressed her thumb to Sara's clit and began working it in a tight circle, positive there was no way Sara could last much longer.

"Ohh, shit. Right there," Sara let out a drawn out moan, tipping her head back.

The camera comes around to focus on Sara's face and heaving chest. When she feels her walls tighten around the cock inside of her she looks straight into the camera through hooded eyes, letting it capture her eyes rolling into the back of her head and her mouth open in a wide, silent scream while her juices poured out of her and onto Tegan.

When her heartbeat returned to normal, she climbed off of Tegan and kneeled between her legs, cleaning herself off the phallus and Tegan's thighs with her tongue. Sara continued her licking and kissing upwards until she reached Tegan's lips, letting Tegan get a taste of her before collapsing next to her on the couch, skin tingling. Tegan loosened the straps to the harness and kicked it to the floor.

The man shut the camera off and held it in the air, giving it a little wave with a perverted grin, "You guys are naturals, the viewers are going to love this."

"Do you have a large audience?" Tegan asked the question that was on Sara's mind, as they both stood up from the couch to find and put on their clothes.

"For this type of stuff? Not really, but don't worry this will definitely get viewed."

Sara couldn't help but feel a little insulted. Then again, this guy obviously catered to straight men and the odds of them wanting to watch two lesbians, who both fell on the more butch end of the spectrum, go at it were probably slim. Besides, if their music ever took off, it would be for the best if only a small amount of people see this.

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out their payment. Three hundred dollars to each of them. The two of them step forward as Tegan caught a glimpse of her reflection in the tinted windows, her buzzed hair slick with sweat and skin glowing from post-coital bliss. Her eyes then traveled to Sara's reflection, her hair and face just as equally, if not more, sweaty than Tegan's. She whipped her head forward, staring at the money being passed into Sara's palm and then Sara exiting the bus. Tegan stuck her own hand out, waiting for her share of the money. The man handed it over and patted her shoulder, thanking her for the great performance. She quickly nodded with a grimace and headed out the door. She shut it behind her, hoping to see Sara already a good distance ahead of her but found her leaning against the bus, waiting. She looked around for an escape, unable to handle Sara's presence after what they had just committed. A rusty telephone booth was just at the end of the parking lot, about twenty yards away. She hastily shoved her money into Sara's hand, hesitated a moment and took back a twenty dollar bill then darted towards the phone booth having never made eye contact.

"Where are you going?" Sara called, jogging to catch up to Tegan.

"To call an auto shop. I'll meet you back at the van." Tegan responded shortly, and picked up her pace.

Sara stopped dead in her tracks, watching the hips her hands had just been all over sway back and forth swiftly as Tegan continued walking. She felt their promise slowly break as the physical distance between them grew, their stable relationship already being tested by their actions. She hung her head and made her way back to the van, crawling onto the small bed they shared every night in the back. Her tears fell freely until they were wiped away with small, bunched up fists at the sound of Tegan returning almost an hour later.

Tegan slid the door open and climbed in, still avoiding Sara's gaze she could feel boring into her. She ripped open the cardboard box housing the twelve pack of beer she purchased and stuffed as many as she could into their small refrigerator. She climbed back to the open door, sitting on the ledge with her feet dangling, and pulled out a cigarette from the brand new carton. She lit it up and took a deep inhale, letting the smoke exit through her nose into the warm evening air.

Sara watched Tegan the entire time, waiting for her to speak. She finally realized it wasn't going to happen by the time Tegan's cigarette was almost done.

"So what's happening with the van?" She pressed.

"Someone will come by tomorrow morning to take it to the shop, and it should be fixed by three." Tegan said flatly, leaning back towards the fridge to grab a beer.

Sara nodded, "Can I have one?"

Tegan grabbed another can, holding it out for Sara. Sara made sure to brush her fingers against Tegan's as subtly as she could, wanting to see how Tegan would react. Tegan's eyes traveled from their hands, up Sara's arm, and to her face. With their eyes finally connected, Sara saw only one emotion in Tegan's eyes; shame.

Sara drew her hand back, trying to figure out what it was she was feeling herself. All she knew was that it definitely wasn't shame.


	2. Had A Bad Day, As Bad As They Come

"Take good care of her, girls. She's a beauty." The mechanic told them. The car keys, with the black rabbit foot keychain, dangled from his grease marked pointer finger.

"We will. Thanks." Sara grabbed the keys, cutting off Tegan's own hand from reaching for them. She spun around and made her way through the glass doors, heading straight for their big green vehicle.

Tegan followed closely behind, complaining. "Why do you get to drive? You drove last time."

"Because I'm the one with the keys." Sara retorted as she jammed the key into the lock.

Tegan stopped beside her, not ready to lose the argument. Sara swung the door open, and was immediately pressed against it as Tegan tried to worm her way into the driver's seat. Her battle was short lived, however, by Sara pulling one of her expert karate moves. Tegan stumbled backwards before losing her balance completely and tipped over onto her bottom, her hands scraping against the rough blacktop as she tried to catch her fall.

"What the fuck!" She hissed, lifting her hands close to her face to inspect the damage. Her red palms were littered with small pebbles and blood was starting to squeeze its way through fresh cuts. She looked up to Sara, pissed. This was not the road trip she had been expecting.

"Just get in the van, Tegan. We're already late," Sara sighed, feeling bad for hurting her sister, but not enough to apologize. She climbed into the vehicle and slammed the door shut, tapping her fingers along the steering wheel while she waited impatiently for Tegan.

Tegan huffed and stood up, wiping her pants off with her bloody hands. She walked around to the other side and pulled the door open to the living quarters part of the van. She pulled the door shut and leaned against the door of the mini refrigerator, beginning to rummage through the small storage areas for antibacterial wipes, which were usually reserved for makeshift showers when they had to go days without a real one.

"What are you doing?" Sara asked, her patience somehow wearing even more thin as Tegan dilly-dallied around in back. She put her hand on the back of the passenger seat and craned her neck around, watching Tegan as she scrubbed at her hands.

"Exactly what it looks like I'm fucking doing. Just drive, I'll ride back here." Tegan yanked on the curtain dividing the two sections of the van, shutting Sara out in one swift movement.

"Fuckin' bitch," Tegan heard Sara mutter as she started the engine and pulled out of the auto shop parking lot, heading east towards their next Ontario destination. Tegan let her head fall back against refrigerator with a thud, hoping to keep the tears welling in her eyes from spilling.

It hadn't even been twenty fours since their little tryst but already she could feel her relationship with Sara changing and she knew that it was her fault. Sara was at least making an attempt to act normal, but Tegan would just boil with negative emotions she wasn't sure even had names each time she laid her eyes on Sara. All she saw was Sara's eyes glazed over with lust while she bounced up and down on Tegan's lap. She shook the visuals from her mind, knowing she had to get her head leveled by tonight. It was unacceptable to put on a bad show, no matter what the circumstances were.

Minutes, even hours could have passed while Tegan just stared up at the ceiling or out into the countryside as it passed them on the highway. She listened to the faint sound of the heavy music Sara was playing as she drove, the calmness of it all helping put her mind at ease, but not as much as she needed. She needed outside help, but since her and Sara drank all of the beer she bought last night, and Tegan had smoked all but two of her cigarettes, which she was saving for later, it only left her with one option.

As if reading her mind, Sara drew back the curtain and looked at Tegan through the rearview mirror. "Is there any pot left?" she raised her eyebrows.

Tegan smiled to herself, happy to know that Sara was also affected by their actions enough to need a release. "Uhmm.." Tegan began, sitting up on her knees to dig through the cabinet they usually stored their drugs in. She pulled out a small rolled up sandwich baggy and unraveled it to reveal a small broken up amount of the green bud. "There's a little bit, but no papers," she sighed.

"Where's my bowl?" Sara scrunched her eyebrows together.

"It broke last week, remember?" Tegan replied, feeling herself starting to get annoyed at Sara again. If she wouldn't have left the bowl on the floor before they went to bed that night then Tegan wouldn't have stepped on it when she woke up the next morning.

"Shit," Sara groaned, "Do you have any more cigs left? Just dig out the tobacco and put it in one of them."

"I was going to save them for after the show." Tegan grumbled. She began digging around through more cabinets to try to find any other solution.

"Just buy more cigarettes tomorrow. C'mon Tegan, I know you'd rather get high." Sara pouted. She tried to reach into the back to place her fingers on Tegan's wrist to coax her.

Tegan recoiled from the contact, but still caught Sara's puppy dog face in the mirror. Her honey colored eyes were wide and begging. Tegan mentally berated herself for being so susceptible to her younger twin. Being the oldest, she always felt the responsibility to take care of Sara and make sure she always had what she needed and wanted even if it was something as small as getting high and meant Tegan had to make sacrifices for herself. Sara watched as Tegan reached for her carton of cigarettes and she leaned back into her seat, satisfied.

With the help a broken guitar string on the floor, Tegan meticulously dug the tobacco out of one of her cigarettes and dumped it into the small garbage bin. She poured the rest of the pot into her empty cigarette and rolled the tip together. She handed it up to Sara and climbed into the passenger seat, buckling up.

"Well it's not going to light itself." Sara commented, the makeshift joint already between her lips.

Tegan rolled her eyes and reached behind her seat, grabbing for the purple lighter on the ground. She sparked it and held it to the end of the joint while Sara inhaled. Sara's eyes momentarily closed as the smoke burned her lungs before popping back open to keep her eyes focused on the road. She lowered the window a few inches and blew the smoke out before handing the joint to Tegan.

Tegan held it between her thumb and pointer finger, inhaling slowly. She formed her lips into a small circle and tapped her cheek with her pointer finger as she exhaled. A string of tiny, perfect smoke rings escaped her mouth one after the other.

"Show off." Sara grabbed the joint and took another hit. As she let the smoke slowly roll out from between her lips, she inhaled it right back through her nose.

"Right back at ya, sis." Tegan laughed. She took the last hit and flicked the butt out the window then started searching around the ground by her feet. She pulled her hand back up, holding one of Sara's many books she insisted on bringing along, and held it right under her bottom lip. The thick smoke trickled down along the book before flowing downwards and disappearing into the air along with all of their problems.

Sara smiled, glad to know that things would feel normal even if only until the effects of the drugs wore off. She picked up the overflowing CD case resting between her seat and the middle console and handed it to Tegan. Tegan flicked through it, knowing just what they both wanted to listen to. She slid the disc into the player and turned it up, waiting for one of their favorite singers, Bruce Springsteen, to start singing.

With the good music filling their ears and relaxing drug in their system, the hours passed quickly on the road until Sara was pulling into the back lot of the bar they were scheduled to play at. She hopped out and hurried to the back, unloading her guitar and case that carried her microphone. Tegan followed closely behind with her own gear. They were met with a bouncer at the back entrance, quickly explained they were tonights performers, and he led them into a small back room.

They rapidly unpacked their instruments, checked the clock to see they were almost forty minutes late, and moved as fast as they could onto the small stage. Sara strummed the strings of her guitar quietly while Tegan finished setting up her microphone. She looked out into the small crowd of people chatting and sipping on beers. She smiled apologetically and moved her own microphone a few inches closer, letting it carry her voice through the building.

"Hey everyone," she started. The people in the crowd turned their heads, listening. "We're Sara and Tegan and we want to apologize for being a little behind schedule. Our vehicle broke down the other night and we had to scramble to find money and get it fixed."

"Sorry," Tegan adds in before turning back to tuning her guitar.

"I don't know what was wrong with it, but Tegan's not allowed to drive anymore." Sara continued, laughing.

Tegan lifted her head and leaned in to her own microphone with a smile, "Woah, hey, hey. It was not my fault! Don't listen to her guys, she's the evil twin."

"Psh, yeah right." Sara scoffed with a playful smile. "Ready?"

"You bet," Tegan nodded, and cleared her throat. Her fingers found their position on the neck of her guitar. "Well this one's called More For Me. 1..2..3..4.. Had a bad day, as bad as they come..."

Sara felt the words strike her in the chest, feeling like the lyrics fit a little too perfectly to yesterday even though Tegan had written the song months ago. Out of the corner of her eye she watched Tegan sing. One side of Tegan's top lip twitched up as she sung, or more appropriately, growled out the words with her eyes shut tight in concentration as the passion consumed her.

Tegan's eyes remained shut through almost the whole set, letting her mind feel nothing but the music. When she opened her eyes to the sounds of the crowd clapping and Sara looking at her with a small smile, she grinned back.

"Thanks a lot you guys," Tegan spoke, her hand running across her short hair wet with sweat. "If you're interested Sara and I will be over at that table," she pointed to a small card table set up just off to the side of the stage, "for a little bit selling our CD, Under Feet Like Ours, and a few shirts."

"Thanks," Sara said, her lisp more noticeable than usual.

They packed up their stuff, sat at the table while anyone who wanted bought merch or asked for their autograph, then headed back out onto the road. Tegan stuck the key into the ignition and drove out of the parking lot, feeling content.

"You were great tonight, Tee." Sara patted her on the shoulder.

Tegan smiled back at her, the feeling of Sara's gentle touch warming her entire body. The rest of the drive passed smoothly, the pair discussing the show and the relaxing week off they had ahead. Tegan pulled into the campground entrance and to Site 27, the one they had made reservations at over a month ago.

Sara jumped out and headed straight for the woods to find some firewood to light up their area while Tegan pulled out their camping chairs and some food and placed it by the fire pit. She was just returning from the van with both of her and Sara's guitars when Sara walked up, arms full of twigs and branches. Sara looked at Tegan curiously, her eyes darting from Tegan's face to the guitars in her hands.

"Wanna jam?" Tegan asked nervously, her tongue toying with the back of her lip piercing. She was hoping Sara wouldn't say no even though it was an unusual question and they had never played together just for the fun of it.

"Sure." Sara nodded with a smile. She dropped the wood into the pit and lit a crumpled up piece of paper with the purple lighter and placed it in between the branches before settling in her chair next to Tegan with her guitar. She let Tegan taken the lead, unsure of what Tegan wanted to play.

Minutes passed of them strumming random chords and just bouncing off of what the other would play. It wasn't productive and no real songs were played, but that was the point of it. They were just relaxing and bonding until a boy and girl around their age rode by on skateboards. The girl heard and saw them playing guitars and stopped, eyeing Tegan up and down during an intense acoustic solo.

"Hey!" She called out to them.

"Hey," they replied in unison, looking up to the stranger and the boy beside her.

"Sweet ride," the boy commented. He picked up his board and walked up to the van, checking it out.

The girl picked up her own board and walked over to Tegan and Sara by the fire. "I'm Kayla. Are you guys musicians or something?"

"Yeah, kinda. I'm Sara." She said, setting her guitar down to lean against the arm of her chair.

"I'm Tegan. What's up?" She grinned at the girl, checking her out. She had long blonde hair, hazel eyes, and was wearing a short summer dress.

"I'm Eric," the boy shouted and ran up to stand behind Kayla. "We're just hanging out. Are you guys camping here for a while?"

"Until next friday." Tegan answered.

"Awesome," Kayla grinned. "We're having a small get together tomorrow night if you wanna come. You could bring your guitars and play some stuff if you want. That'd be super cool."

Tegan's lit up and her smile grew wider. "Sounds fun. Yeah, Sara?" She looked at Sara, waiting.

Sara met Tegan's eyes with her own, her lips turning down into a barely there frown. She knew that twinkling look in Tegan's eye, and what it meant. Their relaxing week of just spending time with each other, which was badly needed to keep their relationship from falling apart, would now turn into a game of Tegan trying to get this girl to have sex with her. Sara looked back at Kayla, then Eric, both of their faces glowing with anticipation.

"Yeah." She muttered unenthusiastically.


	3. When The Van's A Rockin'

**A/N:** I'm sorry for the slow updates, but it's probably going to be like that from now on. I moved and got a job so I just don't have time to write all the time now but don't fret, I will definitely still continue to do it. Hopefully you all find this chapter is a little more interesting than the last one since I definitely think it is. Anyway.. review/favorite/follow/whatever, it is always appreciated! Enjoy! :)

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Sara's footsteps were silent against the cool grass and the shadows of the trees masked her tiny figure but yet she could still feel the pair of eyes on her. She stepped into the light of the campfire, the corner of her twin's eyes creasing as she smiled at her. She happily smiled back, and began to make her way to sit by Tegan on the large stump she currently occupied. They had just finished playing a few songs for their new friends at the campground. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, so both girls were in good spirits and wanting the other's company. Or so Sara thought.

She watched as Tegan's gaze drifted from her and over to Kayla, sitting a few feet away. Kayla smiled and got up, moving over to sit right next Tegan, practically in her lap. Tegan wrapped her arm around Kayla's waist, her other hand already occupied by a half empty beer bottle. They both leaned into each other, their smiles turning into flirtatious giggles.

Sara tried to keep the bile from rising in her throat and acted as though she wasn't meaning to go and sit by Tegan. Instead she took a seat next to a kid named Devon, whom she had met only an hour before.

"Kayla's a huge slut," he observed, giving the girl a death glare. "She'll sleep with anything that walks."

"Maybe I should break Tegan's legs." Sara spoke quietly as drew shapes in the dirt with her foot. Normally she wouldn't have cared who Tegan chose to sleep with, but now things were different. She was afraid she was beginning to feel jealous.

Did having sex with Tegan trigger something deep inside her, and she was now harboring feelings for her own sister or was it just purely physical? Was Tegan feeling the same and only flirting Kayla to make herself forget? These were questions Sara feared neither knew the answer to.

Tegan abruptly stood up, Kayla's hand linked with her own, and began walking off in the direction of her and Sara's campsite.

Sara fidgeted with her fingers, tempted to follow them back but she had no excuse to give as to why she was doing that if she got caught. She opted to just drown her thoughts with beer and talk about whatever it was Devon would ramble on about. After her fourth beer, she said her goodbye to everyone and headed back to the van. The fire pit was just a bunch of hot coals and Sara couldn't make out any figures. As she drew nearer, however, she saw the subtle motion of the van rocking back and forth.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me_, she thought. They only had one strict rule for the van, and that was no sex since they both shared the same bed every night.

Her anger rose and the alcohol in her gave her the extra boost of courage to stomp up to the van and whip the door open. All she could manage to see was Tegan's taught, muscular back hovering over Kayla, a blanket covering the rest of her toned body.

"What the fuck, Sara!" Tegan growled, ceasing her movements and wrapping the blanket around her chest as she turned around.

Sara kept her gaze forward, ignoring Tegan, and grabbed her pajamas. She hopped back out of the van, her hand resting on the door handle as she quickly spoke, "By the way, Kayla, I hope Tegan talked to you about her herpes and how she's been breaking out a lot lately."

Kayla shrieked as Sara slammed the door shut and took off, hearing the faint sound of Tegan's body crashing onto the floor. Satisfied, she ran to Devon's tent, hoping to seek refuge there for the night until she had no choice but to face Tegan in the morning. She caught Devon as he was zipping his tent shut.

"Hey! Devon!" She yelled, picking up her pace to catch up to him.

"Sup?" He asked, stepping out of his tent, dressed in only pajama pants.

"Can I stay with you tonight? Tegan's ...busy." Sara looked down to her feet and scratched her head. She tried avoiding looking at Devon, and his body. It was pretty obvious she didn't swing his way but she still wanted to avoid putting any ideas in his head.

"Yeah, of course," he flashed her a sympathetic smile. "I only, uh, have one blanket though so.."

"That's fine. You stay on your side, I stay on mine, okay?" She finally looked him in the eye, and he nodded. "Do you mind if I change quick?"

Devon nodded again and stepped out of the tent, holding the flap open as Sara climbed in. She quickly rid herself of her baggy jeans and stepped into her sweatpants. She tugged her sweatshirt on and laid down on the cold, hard ground, only the thin tarp like material separating her from it.

"Okay," she called quietly and Devon made his way back into the tent. He unfolded his blanket completely and threw half of it over Sara's body. She wrapped herself up in it and bunched her fists up under her chin, trying to will herself to fall asleep.

Hours later she awoke groggily, the sun gleaming through the tent and hurting her eyes. She slowly sat up, and rubbed her eyes, looking around. The blanket was entirely wrapped around her body, leaving Devon with only his pajama pants. He was visibly cold, goosebumps covering his entire back. Sara frowned, the guilt seeping in over something she had unconsciously done in her sleep, and wrapped the blanket around him. She made a mental note to thank him later and stepped out into the fresh air with her bundle of clothes. Small droplets of water pounding against her head as she stepped out from under the protection of tree branches.

She sighed, and began to jog back to her campsite. She didn't want Tegan to confront her, which she knew was inevitable, but she would rather have that than to be trapped in the pouring rain. She slowed her pace as she drew nearer, seeing Tegan's hooded figure trying to keep the dying fire going with one hand occupied by an umbrella. Sara tried to sneak in the cracked door of the van, but it was no use. Tegan walked up to her, grabbed her sweatshirt sleeve and yanked her towards her.

"You want to tell me what the fuck your problem is?" Tegan snarled, throwing the umbrella to the ground and pushing Sara forcefully on the shoulder.

Sara teetered backwards, her feet sliding against the slippery mud. Her nostrils flared with rage and she bunched her fists around Tegan's hoodie, bringing their faces inches apart before she screamed back at her. "You know what my problem is! We don't fuck other people in the van!"

Tegan took a step back, irked by the way Sara had worded her sentence. Her eyes connected with Sara's long enough for her to be plagued with the images of Sara's facial expressions as she came days before. Sara flicked her eyes away, fearful that Tegan would be able to read her thoughts.

"You're fucking sick," Tegan spat, interpreting Sara's sentence as it was okay if they had sex in the van only if it was with each other. She stepped forward again, pushing Sara even harder.

"What are you talking about?!" Sara bared her teeth, retaliating and pushing Tegan just as hard. Tegan lost her footing and fell back onto the wet ground, mud covering her legs.

"You're just jealous it wasn't you underneath me." Tegan let out a low growl and wiped the mud from her hands. She reached for the bottom of Sara's sweatpants and violently pulled her to the ground. The mud splattered around them from Sara's weight and she clenched her teeth, struggling to stand back up.

"Don't be ridiculous. That's disgusting." Sara turned to the side, feeling herself start to panic. As much as she didn't want it to be, she knew it was true. She took a step backwards towards the van, ready to escape the situation.

Tegan read Sara's body language easily, knowing she was about to retreat. She took a step forward, ready to corner Sara if she must. "But it's true. What we did was_ your_ idea, _you_ forced me to do it! I saw the look in your eyes when it was happening. You fucking loved it and you want it to happen again!"

"Shut the fuck up, Tegan," Sara tried to yell, but it came out as more of a begging whimper. She charged and jumped onto Tegan, taking them both back to the ground. Mud splashed all around them, almost coating them entirely.

"What kind of sick fuck wants to fuck their own sister?!" Tegan pushed Sara off of her, only to straddle her and keeping her from getting away.

Sara struggled beneath her but managed to switch their positions. They wrestled in the mud, the sounds of their heavy breathing and frustrated grunts the only sounds escaping their mouths. They didn't care about the curious eyes of passerby's or their clothes getting ruined, only of overpowering the other. Sara had Tegan trapped under her, her knee pressed between Tegan's upper thigh. She gave a little smirk and pushed upwards, applying pressure where she was convinced Tegan wanted it.

The squeaking sounds of a bike tires breaking momentarily distracted her and she looked up, seeing Devon on the gravel road, staring at them. Her lips parted, ready to say something when everything in her vision became a blur and she found herself on her back again, Tegan hovering over her. She shook the thoughts of Devon from her mind and looked up.

"You want to too. I can see it in your eyes." Sara said through clenched teeth, not allowing her gaze to drift from Tegan's eyes. She saw the anger and hatred build within Tegan, her pupils darkening by the second. Sara knew what was coming, and closed her eyes in anticipation. Tegan pulled her arm back and thrusted it forward, her tight fist connecting with Sara's jaw, right below her ear. Sara's face whipped to the side from impact and she bit her lip in pain, trying to hold back the sobs that were begging to be set free. She tried to push Tegan off of her, but her efforts were futile. She didn't have it in her anymore to want to beat Tegan, but that only fueled Tegan's anger more.

"Fight back, you idiot." Tegan slammed Sara's arms into the ground, pinning them above her head. Sara lay completely still, trying to get her breathing steady. Tegan hung her head, closed her eyes and lifted Sara's wrists a few inches and pushed them back to the ground, pleading, "Fight back."

Tegan opened her eyes to Sara watching her lips as she breathed with the same look she had two days ago. She lowered her body against Sara's and brought their faces closer to together. Sara closed her eyes, and slightly puckered her lips, waiting for Tegan to give in and kiss her.

Tegan creased her eyebrows and let her lips brush against Sara's as she spoke in a low voice, "I'm not yours to touch,_ sister_."

Sara opened her eyes in shock and saw the hate return to Tegan's honey colored irises and felt it build within herself. Tegan lifted her body and brought her knee to Sara's stomach, knocking the wind out of her. The tears fell involuntarily as Tegan climbed off of her and walked away, her body tense.

"I hate you," Sara choked out, clutching her stomach while her body pulsed with pain, and she watched the increasingly familiar sight of Tegan's figure retreating, this time into the dark, damp woods.


	4. She's A Pillow Queen

**A/N:** Again, sorry for the super slow updates to any of still interested in this story! I've been pretty busy (and lazy) but I really will try to start updating more often. I hope you all enjoy this, and if you guys have any ideas/suggestions about where you want to see this story go, I am all ears. I'm a little stuck on where to take this, so any type of comment is appreciated! Thanks for reading/reviewing! :)

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Hours after her tiff with Sara, Tegan found herself at a small stream deep within the woods. The sun was only just reaching it's position at the top of the sky, giving her plenty of time to find her way back and not cause her sister to worry.

She brushed off a spot on a long fallen tree to sit down and pulled off her ruined hoodie. She looked down to see that even the mud had found it's way up high onto her arms, and had dried, leaving her skin crusty. She sighed and tried not to cry as she painfully peeled chunks of mud off the soft hair on her arms. When her arms were as clear of the mud as she could manage, she folded them in her lap and rested her head on them, finally letting herself cry.

Tegan never enjoyed fighting with Sara, they were best friends and loved each other to death, but lately things had just gone too far. The words that Sara spoke to her made her feel sick to her stomach.

_You want to too. I can see it in your eyes._

Was it true? Did her eyes reveal her true desires while her conscious blocked it out? Did she really want to engage in a homosexual, incestuous relationship with her own twin that was based only on physical hunger and not pure, innocent love?

These thoughts made her more than just feel sick to her stomach. She clutched her middle and fell to her knees on the damp ground, dry heaving over her own face reflected in the babbling stream. Her shoulders shook and tightened as she tried to rid her stomach of anything, but it was empty. She sobbed and punched at the water, distorting her reflection.

With no one to hear her, she laid on her side and cried loudly for hours. When there were no more tears left to cry and her throat was left sore from her painful sobs, she stood up and began her way back to camp with only the thoughts of getting as fucked up as possible on her mind.

Sara, however, was dealing with the situation a little bit differently, or not dealing with it at all. She completely cleared her mind of everything, and tried to find a positive outlook in this mess. When she couldn't find any, she shrugged her shoulders and got ready for the day. She headed over to Devon's site and hung out with him. He, of course, tried to ask her about what he had seen earlier and about the slowly forming bruise on the underside of her jaw but she just shook her head and said it was a twin thing he wouldn't understand.

He eyed her skeptically, but nodded his head anyway. They barely knew each other, it wasn't his business to care or to know what had gone down so he just rolled a joint for them to share and they made small talk until he dragged a reluctant Sara to another party.

As soon as they arrived, Sara perked up and noticed the tall brunette standing amongst a group of people. Their eyes met and they both smiled shyly to each other over the course of a couple hours until Sara finally got the courage to approach her. By that time, the girl was almost drunk and Sara was feeling pretty good herself from a few beers.

"Hey," Sara said casually with a smile.

"Hi there," the girl replied with a slight giggle.

"I'm Sara, and you..?" She asked, making a bold move and brushing the girls long hair away from her face.

"Lucy," the girl blushed, then traced the bruised skin on Sara's jaw. "Did you get into a fight?"

"Yeah, I'm quite the badass," Sara winked and jokingly flexed her biceps before laughing, almost avoiding the topic completely.

Lucy joined in, laughing and covering her mouth as she did so. Sara's smile grew as she watched this adorable stranger. She linked their fingers together and led them to a bench by the huge campfire. They continued to drink and make flirtatious small talk until their bottles were empty.

"Do you want another drink babe?" Lucy asked, one hand holding the two empty beer bottles the other inching towards Sara's inner thigh, tickling her skin through her jeans.

Sara nodded with a grin, watching the cute brunette walk away with a sexy sway to her movements. She folded her hands across one knee and directed her gaze to the crackling fire and all of her new friends surrounding it, including Devon.

A couple minutes passed before she felt two arms snake their way across her stomach and fold their hands together right above her belly button. She smiled, leaning back into the touch, assuming it was Lucy, who she wasn't expecting to move so quickly. They had only met a couple hours ago, after all. It didn't really matter to Sara though. She was going to have sex with a hot girl and get her revenge on her sister. It was the perfect way to kill two birds with one stone.

"I'm sorry about earlier, Sasa. Can we go talk?" The voice that belonged to the arms whispered into Sara's ear. She could feel the pouty bottom lip brush her ear as each word was spoken.

Sara froze, her hands flying up to grip the wrists resting on her stomach. She turned her head to the side, coming face to face with her sister. Immediately she could tell that Tegan was far from sober. Drunk, high, and possibly on other drugs for all Sara knew, but she always firmly believed that drunken words were sober thoughts and she wanted to know what Tegan wanted to talk about.

Sara gave Tegan a curt nod and stood up, following Tegan as she walked away and leaving Lucy without a second thought. She watched Tegan walk slowly and stumble over her own two feet, trying to suppress her laughter at how silly she looked.

Once they were side by side, Tegan tentatively took Sara's hand in her own. Their fingers weren't intwined with each other, but the still intimate gesture threw Sara off. She still stood by the words she had said this morning about seeing what Tegan wanted in her eyes, but after the way Tegan reacted she didn't think there would be this fast of a turn around.

Tegan didn't say a word until she was pulling Sara onto her lap on their bed in the van.

"Sasa," she slurred, resting one hand on the small of Sara's back and the other over Sara's rapidly beating heart. She watched Sara's chest rise up and down through glazed over eyes. Through her alcohol ridden mind, she couldn't form a coherent thought that didn't have to do with Sara's body on hers.

"Touch me, Sara," she brought her moist lips to Sara's, taking Sara's plump bottom lip between her own. She began kissing Sara's cheek, down her jawline, and to her neck.

Sara's spine shivered with contentedness, but her mind couldn't comprehend what was going on. She slowly pulled away and pushed Tegan away, but remained straddling her lap. Tegan reached for the hem of her own t-shirt, pulled it off and maneuvered her way out of her boxers and pants from under Sara.

Sara scanned Tegan's almost bare body for the second time in her life in just under a week. She was amazed at how alike yet different they looked. Her shaky hand reached out to brush her fingertips against the cool skin of Tegan's stomach and curvaceous hips. She looked up to Tegan's face, finding that she had removed her bra and was now completely naked, to get some answers.

"I thought you wanted to talk?" She questioned, trying to find something within Tegan's eyes that could tell her what was happening, but she found nothing but lust.

"I do. There's a lot you can say with your actions." Tegan smirked and began sucking on Sara's neck again as she lowered her body backwards onto their bed.

Sara whimpered and held herself above her sister on her elbows. She wanted this so badly, to take her sister more than to be taken by her, but she also knew that this was only happening because Tegan wasn't sober. The aftermath was sure to be devastating but how could she say no?

She put all of her weight onto Tegan, resting her legs between Tegan's. She pinned Tegan's hands above her head with one hand and gripped her face tightly with the other, forcing her lips to pucker. She attacked her lips in a hungry kiss while grinding her hips into Tegan's. Tegan moaned loudly into Sara's mouth, her entire body on fire. The roughness of Sara's jeans against her core left her feeling like she was going to burst and shatter the windows around her with her screams.

"Just fuck me already," she begged in a high pitched whimper.

Sara nodded, feeling like she was under some type of spell as her hand moved slowly to cup Tegan. She caressed the smooth skin, her fingers getter damper by the second as she applied more pressure. Tegan moaned, glad to have those skillful fingers back between her legs, and pulled Sara's face down to cradle in the crook of her neck while her own fingers tugged at the short blonde spikes.

Sara bit the tight flesh of Tegan's neck and inhaled her musky scent while trying to will her tears from falling, either from pain or joy, she didn't know, as she rocked her body back and forth. Three long fingers slid in and out of Tegan with ease, and her still thumb applied pressure to her swollen clit.

"Oh!" Tegan squeaked in a breathy high pitched manner, and Sara smiled, loving the feminine sound coming from her androgynous sister.

"Sasa, I..." Tegan continued to slur, flexing the muscles in her arms and breaking free from her sister's one handed grip. She ran her hands down Sara's sides and to her ass, grabbing her and helping her increase her thrusts while bucking her hips up.

Sara lifted her head as she felt Tegan's clenching stomach muscles press into her own stomach from her back arching and watched Tegan's face screw up in ecstasy as pleasure shook her to her core and her juices trickled down her fingers. The smile that formed on Sara face was unavoidable as she saw the momentary pure bliss appear on her sister's face caused only by her and she pulled her fingers out, immediately sticking them in her mouth and sucking them clean.

Tegan's face mimicked Sara's as she slowly opened her eyes to the sound of Sara sucking her fingers and humming delightfully from the taste. Her arms fell back to her side and she snuggled deeper into the sheets, still coasting on her high, and searched Sara's face.

"Sorry Sasa," she pressed her lips gently to the sizable bruise on Sara's jaw, her thumb replacing her lips actions when she pulled away and let her head sink back into the pillow beneath her.

Sara closed her eyes and gave a weak smile, enjoying Tegan's tender touch. She let herself get lost in the fleeting feelings, knowing that Tegan's apology was meant for much more than just hitting her and that this peaceful and lustful moment would be gone by morning. Once the caressing stopped, Sara opened her eyes to see Tegan sleeping quietly. Exhausted from the roller coaster ride that the day had been, she sighed and lifted herself off of Tegan and took her place in her rightful spot on the left side of their bed.

She laid on her side, studying the rise and fall of Tegan's chest and her fingers crept forward, yearning to just touch her in the most innocent of ways in the calm before the storm that would be tomorrow. Her palm rested flat over Tegan's stomach, covering her bellybutton. She lifted her own shirt up and placed her other hand in the same place. She tried to decipher if it felt the same, and realized quickly that it did not. The hand on Tegan was warm, and she swore she could feel her blood coursing through her veins like electricity, making her feel alive. The hand on her own stomach was cold, lifeless. She withdrew her hand and took a deep breath, tucking Tegan in with her blue fleece blanket and pulled her own green fleece over her still clothed body. She turned to face the wall, her hands folded close to her face, and she willed herself to sleep with the scent of Tegan creeping its way up her nose.


	5. Broken Strings and Dreams

**A/N: **I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! :) I just want to say that I have no idea where to take this story, so I might get started on the other one (Symbiosis) about them in High School, until I find the inspiration or if any of you have suggestions I would seriously love to hear them. Sorry it's pretty short/not that exciting, it appears as though employment makes you lose your imagination/desire to write. :/ But nonetheless, I still hope you enjoy it.

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Tegan threw the van doors open and leapt out, hurling vomit onto the grass the moment her feet touched the ground. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, fighting back the inevitable tears trying to escape that always occurred from her body releasing all the toxins she had put in it the night before. When her stomach was desolate she returned to full height and a shiver ran down her spine, her entire body erupting in goosebumps. She glanced down, confused, and saw her nipples slowly hardening in the chilly morning air. Her eyes bugged out of their socket and her hands flew to cover her most private areas as she shrieked and darted back into the van, slamming the door shut with a deafening thud.

Sara watched from her chair near the fire with her guitar, seeing the bile pour from Tegan's mouth, tempted to go sooth her until she was done. She was starting to rise when Tegan abruptly stopped and noticed her nude body, escaping back into the shelter of the van. Sara tried to stifle her giggles, and lifted her hand to cover her mouth, still able to smell the scent of her sister on her fingers, but it was hard not to laugh, and waited for Tegan to return with a cheerful look planted on her face.

"Care to tell my why I woke up naked this morning, Sara?" Tegan gritted through her teeth when she stepped back out of the van, clothed.

Sara attempted to hide the smirk on her face behind the body of her guitar, thinking that this was absolutely perfect. If Tegan got so fucked up, she would come on to Sara and let her touch her, then in the morning she would forget and Sara wouldn't have to face the consequences.

"I don't know," she replied quietly over the curve in the acoustic instrument. She planted her feet onto the ground and waited for the tsunami of anger to wash over her as Tegan boiled over with the familiar rage she seemed to be filled with lately.

"Bullshit! Don't lie to me!" Tegan hissed, taking a few steps closer to Sara. All she could remember of yesterday was crying hysterically in the woods and then finding some people to give her alcohol, but she knew Sara had to have something to do with this.

"I'm not lying!" Sara stood up, one hand gripping the neck of her guitar tightly, the other in a tight fist with white knuckles from the tension. The lies seemed to be building within her effortlessly, and not one bit of her felt guilty about it. "You were already in bed when I got back, I didn't even know you were naked!"

Tegan's shoulder seemed to loosen up and her face softened a bit, but she was still skeptical. If something had happened with Sara last night, of course Sara would deny it now. She walked up to Sara, pushing her body into her and stared her straight in the eye. She searched the identical honey colored iris' for any sign that Sara was lying but she only found empty hollows. There was no emotion whatsoever in Sara, so she took a tiny step closer, pushing their breasts together.

Sara glanced down briefly and gulped, able to feel Tegan's stiff buds press into her own fleshy skin between the thin material of their shirts. She looked back up to Tegan, letting the slightest bit of desire shine in her eyes.

Tegan's nostrils flared with anger, hating to see that lustful look on her sister when it was directed towards her but she had to admit, she felt the same thing when their bodies had touched. She reeled back and met her open palm with Sara's already sore cheek from the blow it had received yesterday by the same hand. Sara didn't react, except for the inevitable movement from the blow and squared her shoulders, looking Tegan back in the eye.

Tegan's demeanor diminished slightly, it unnerved her to see Sara so collected and she desperately needed to see some type of reaction. Bending forward slightly, she wrapped her fingers around one of the strings on Sara's acoustic and yanked, breaking the string in half.

Sara's jaw slowly dropped, knowing what Tegan had done from the snapping sound before seeing it with her own eyes. As she looked down, her eyes quickly welled with tears. She could handle all the verbal and physical abuse Tegan threw at her, but the moment she started attacking the thing that bonded them, that they were creating together, she lost it. Her fingers shot out straight in shock, as if the guitar had burned her skin, and it fell to the ground with a hollow thunk.

"Sara, I.." Tegan started, already knowing it was imperative that she apologize. She looked from the broken guitar to Sara's broken face, her chest tightening with remorse.

"Fuck off, Tegan!" Sara cried, tears streaming down her face. She picked up the guitar and cradled it into her chest like a sick infant. "It's obvious you want nothing to do with me, so just go!" She continued to cry, heading towards her chair by the fire, ready to inspect if more damage had been done than just a broken string.

Tegan parted her lips to speak, then shut them again as she felt her own sadness creep up her throat. She didn't mean to be such a bitch towards Sara, it just came out. She didn't like the feelings and thoughts that kept popping up inside her, and she hated Sara for feeling the same and seemingly being able to accept it easier. All she wanted was her sister back, but she didn't know how to get her.

"I'm sorry," she squeaked out before hanging her head and walking away.

Sara, again, watched Tegan walk away. She looked back to her guitar, feeling as if Tegan had basically said she was done, it was over. Their dreams of becoming musicians together were never going to happen, and in the process, she was going to lose her best friend and sister. She cradled her guitar in her arms and moped back to the van, but it in its case and shutting it as if it were a loved one in a coffin. She then crawled onto the bed, curling up on Tegan's half and wrapping herself in the blue blanket before falling into a troubled sleep.

Later that evening, Tegan found Sara sitting on the roof of the van. Had she been there this whole time? She wasn't doing anything, just sitting there and staring at her fidgety hands.

"Sara?" Tegan called hesitantly. What she had done this morning was uncalled for, maybe even unforgivable, and she didn't know how to fix it.

Sara didn't respond, but Tegan saw the slightest flinch in her back at hearing her voice. Tegan sighed and started climbing up the small metal rungs leading up to the top of the van. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, but their relationship needed fixing, and it needed it now.

"Sar," she tried again, noticing a small piece of the broken guitar string in Sara's hands. She reached her hand out, meaning to place it comfortingly on Sara's shoulder.

"Don't touch me," Sara choked out quietly, recoiling from Tegan's hand that was still inches away from her.

"I just want to talk." Tegan placed her hand back in her lap, and began picking at her nails while she waited for Sara to reply.

Sara shut her eyes tight and bit her quivering lip hard enough to draw blood. Images of what had happened last night after Tegan had said those same words flashed behind her thin eyelids. She hung her head and shook it back and forth, exhausted. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Will you listen at least?" Tegan begged. She felt like if she didn't say something now, it will be too late later on and everything will be ruined and past the point to be repaired.

Sara cocked her head slightly to the side, letting Tegan know she was listening.

"I just.. well, first of all, I'm sorry about your guitar. I promise I'll fix it and if you want to play with mine for now, you can.. and.. uh.. about us playing music.." Tegan began, then took a deep, shaky breath before continuing. "I'm not ready to head back home.. I don't want to stop playing music with you, and I don't want to lose the relationship we have, or, well, had. I'm sorry for how I've been acting these past few days, but well, you know. Do.. do you.. still want to play music? With me?"

"Tegan... Every night I dream of standing on stage with you by my side in huge arenas with thousands of fans cheering our names. Seriously, every single night it's always you, me, and our guitars. I don't want those dreams to only remain that. I want that to be our lives." Sara sighed, flicking the broken string off the top of the van and into the grass. She knew how much Tegan hated apologizing and admitting she was wrong, so she accepted it and took it as a sign that things were going to go her way.

"Well.. good, I'm glad." Tegan stated awkwardly with a weak smile, happy to know Sara didn't want to give up on their dream but what was she supposed to say now?

Sara gave a slight not and began crawling across the rooftop, around Tegan, and to the ladder. She started to lower herself then stopped, looking back to Tegan still sitting on her knees and facing the other way.

"I think I'm going to go for a swim down in the lake ...if you want to come." Sara said quietly, looking down, and hopped to the ground to grab her two piece swimsuit and a towel from inside the van.

Tegan smiled to herself, elated, and jumped right off the roof, landing on her feet in a crouched position. Sara chuckled and waited for Tegan to grab her own things before they set off down the gravel road to the shower house to change.

"We're gonna be rockstars someday, ya know." Tegan nudged Sara's side with her elbow.

Sara smiled and nodded, looking off to the distance, hoping that wasn't all they would be.


	6. Not Tonight

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone who suggested ideas to me in the last chapter! They helped a lot! Special thanks to uponarainbow for giving me inspiration to write this specific chapter. I think it's kind of sweet in a weird, depressing kind of way so I hope you all enjoy and let me know if you do! (Or don't, that's cool too!) Also, in the meantime, check out my other fic Symbiosis!

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She flashed the audience her signature gummy grin and strummed each of the chords of her guitar up and down quickly.

"Sara and I just want to thank you all for listening, and hopefully enjoying, our music. We had a great time and–"

"Actually, Tegan, there's one more song," Sara interrupted and straightened her shoulders, feeling the nerves send tremors through each of her fingers.

Tegan cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow, stealing glances from her setlist taped to the floor to Sara, still fidgeting around nervously on her stool. She waited for Sara to explain, seeing as though the last song on the list was This Is Everything, and they had just finished playing it.

"It's a new song I've been working on over the past week, so I apologize if it's a little rough," she continued, and cleared her throat, aligning her fingers in the correct position.

Tegan rested against her guitar waiting impatiently for Sara to start, feeling embarrassed and slightly unprofessional for being unprepared. Was Sara expecting her to just improvise, which was something she had never done before in front of a group of people?

Sara gave everyone a shaky smile and looked to Tegan, her smile growing more confident and her body shifted inwards so she was half facing Tegan, half facing the crowd. She was tempted to mouth that this one was for her, but the audience would have seen and it would have given away that their relationship had recently turned into something a little more than just sisterly.

"Alright.. so it's called Not Tonight, and I hope you enjoy it." Sara began tapping her foot against the small wooden bar helping hold her stool together and started strumming the newly repaired strings of her guitar, bobbing her head as she sang the new arrangement of words.

"Love pull your sore ribs in, I will pull your tangles out. In the back of your car I feel like I have travelled nowhere," Sara's soft voice rang throughout the dim bar.

Tegan was thankful for the darkness as Sara carried on, glad to be shrouded in it as Sara's words struck her in the chest, one by one. It was obvious the song was about her, painfully so, and the anguish emanating from Sara just broke Tegan even more.

Sara's heart was breaking because of Tegan, producing the song coming from deep inside her. It wasn't breaking because Tegan didn't reciprocate her feelings, for she did, but because she wouldn't admit them. Sara wasn't asking anything from Tegan but a confession. She needed to hear that she wasn't alone in this, like she needed the air around her to breath.

In matter of days, Sara had gone from seeing Tegan has simply her sister, her best friend, to believing she was now in love for the first time in her life. It was nothing easy to accept, and for the first few days after their bus adventure, she feared it was only lust that she felt, which she knew she could not handle. Love was pure, and if she so happened to love her sister, then that was okay, she could learn to accept that, but lust... Lust was built upon desire, sexual satisfaction, which she felt was not okay to feel towards her own flesh and blood.

"What will bring me home? What will make me stay, stay?" She looked to Tegan as she sang out the questions, all but forgetting she was being watched by a crowd.

Tegan's lips parted as her eyes met Sara's, dragging in the huge breath she needed that her nostrils couldn't fulfill. Sara's voice hitched for a split second, thinking Tegan was going to answer, and sing out the answer she needed.

_Me. I will bring you home. I will be your home._

When Tegan pressed her lips back together into a tight line, Sara closed her eyes and shifted body back to the audience, gritting her teeth and letting the emotion take her over.

"Everything in my body says not tonight, everything in my body says no." The husky growl usually heard leaving Tegan's mouth, escaped from Sara as she finished the verse and wrapped up the song.

"Thanks, I hope you all had a great time, I know we did," she spoke with a heavy lisp, her lips curling up, as she gripped onto her microphone for support.

The audience politely clapped and whistled as the girls grabbed their equipment, packed up, and returned to their van, prepared to head back on the road for a few hours yet tonight.

Sara pushed her bulky guitar case, littered with stickers, to the back of the van in their storage area and stepped out of the way for Tegan to put her own stuff away. Tegan slammed the door when she was finished, and turned around, finding her sister staring up at the night sky with her hands shoved deep into her pockets, making her baggy pants sag even more.

Tegan ran her hand across her soft hair and reached out for Sara's arm with her other, pulling her backwards until her back hit the side of the van with a dull thud.

Sara winced, the door handle digging into her spine. She wasn't expecting Tegan to praise her over her new song but she thought she would hear the usual "Good job, sis" or scolded her for not warning her before the show that she was going to play a new song, just.. _anything_. Standing where she is now though, she knows she should have never expected anything but for Tegan to keep her mouth shut and only get angry and beat her again. She closed her eyes tight and turned her head slightly, exposing her already bruised cheek, and waited for the blow to come. It never came, and instead she felt a soft pressure against her lips. Her muscles instantly relaxed, and she melted into the feeling of Tegan's moist, plump lips but as soon as they were there, they were gone again.

Sara slowly opened her eyes, Tegan only an inch from her face yet and staring back at her, her expression unreadable. Elated, Sara moved in for another kiss, but her lips were met with Tegan's fingers instead.

"No," Tegan stated firmly.

Sara pulled back, confusion coating her features.

Tegan's features hardened as she stared into her sisters wanting honey colored eyes, wondering what on earth just came over her. Maybe it was the inevitable high she always felt after playing a show, or Sara baring all and admitting her feelings, not only in front of her, but also an entire bar. But whatever the reason was, she hoped it never happened again and caused her to be so careless with her actions.

"Tegan, what was–" Sara began, every fiber of her being aching to get answers.

Tegan shook her head solemnly, her hand still raised between their thin bodies. "Just accept it for what it is."

"But I don't–" Sara started again. How could she accept it when she didn't even know what _it_ was?

"Don't making regret doing it." Tegan closed her eyes and took a deep breath, spun on her heel and walk back towards the back entrance of the bar.

"Where are you going?!" Sara pushed herself off from the van to catch up with Tegan.

Tegan stopped, her fingers wrapped tightly around the door handle and she looked to her feet as she spoke. "To drink. You can join me if you want. I'm not in the mood to drive anywhere tonight." She tugged the door open and walking inside, leaving Sara alone in the cold, night air.

Sara hesitated, she wasn't really in the mood to be drinking but no doubt she had not forgotten what happened the last time Tegan had been drinking. She quickly made up her mind, walking to the door Tegan had just gone through with a skip in her step.

Weaving through the crowd, she spotted Tegan's small figure sitting at the bar alone with two empty shot glasses already in front of her and a full one sitting in front of the spot next to her.

Tegan was barely able of putting one foot in front of the other by the time the bar closed, forced to retire to their van until morning when they were sober enough to drive. Sara guided her sister, one hand on the small of her back, the other clasping one of Tegan's hands. Back in the privacy of the van, Tegan again pulled Sara on top of her, the feelings that were only capable of making their selves present when she was in an altered state of mind, took over her whole being.

Between Tegan's gasps and moans as the vehicle rocked back and forth slowly as Sara moved her body lower and lower, Tegan panted the questions mockingly, "What does your body say tonight, Sasa? Is it saying yes?"

Tegan came with a satisfied sigh, and rolled onto her side towards the window to sleep without even offering to return the favor. Sara sat next to her, the feeling of deja vu creeping into her while she watched Tegan's sleeping form rise and fall slowly with each long breath. Before tucking Tegan into her blue blanket, she made sure to dress her this time.


	7. Ready Or Not

**A/N:** I'm sorry some of you aren't liking Tegan! I tried to redeem her a bit in this chapter, but then things happened, so I don't know if you'll feel any different. I hope you do, because she's just struggling with her issues in an unfortunate way, but she's still the Tegan you all love! I'll try to keep up with updating this a little more often but I make no promises. For now, enjoy this and let me know what you think! :)

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Back in the comfort of their own apartments in Vancouver, Tegan and Sara spent their days hiding from each other, only seeking contact when necessary. The rest of the road trip passed in an inebriated haze for Tegan, feeling as if she could only survive by getting drunk after she had so carelessly kissed Sara from only the affects of her heart swelling, with both love and pain, over Sara's newest song.

Every day, Tegan found herself sprawled out on the worn couch in her tiny living room, waiting impatiently for her internet to load. And when that would happen, she would search and search, trying to find the thing that had created this whole mess. Luckily for her, it was easy to find practically anything and in minutes all she had left to do was push the play button and wait for it to load.

She slid down the coach, her bum hanging right off the edge, and she planted her socked feet on either side of her computer resting on her long wooden coffee table. She hit play with a tap of her finger and tugged her pajama pants along with her underwear down to her mid thigh and spread herself as much as she could.

First she saw her sister on the tiny screen, and then herself, and then they were both naked. She ran her hands down her body and down between her legs as the video progressed and then Sara was lying on top of her, kissing her. One steady hand rubbed the inside of her thigh sensually and the other one dipped between her swollen lips, finding an impossible amount of wetness already accumulated.

She moaned in sync with herself and tipped her head back against the couch, watching through slitted eyes as she picked up her speed, pressing down on her engorged clit and rubbing quick circles. Already she could feel her release building while Sara dipped her tongue between her folds in the video.

"Shit.." She moaned as her other hand moved lower to tease her dripping entrance, begging to be stretched and filled.

"Tegan! Tee!" Sara burst through the front door, uninvited. "_Ohmygod_," she took in the site of her twin getting herself off to herself and covered her mouth in shock. She certainly wasn't expecting that.

Tegan shrieked and reached out to slam her computer shut, a string of her own cum stretching along for the ride. Her other hand scrambled to pull her pants up and she turned to Sara, breathing hard, her heart in her throat. "Sara, what the fuck! It's called knocking!"

"I.. uh.. you.. you were watching.." Sara stumbled over her words, still not believing what she saw. She pointed to the computer and smirked. "You were watching our video."

Tegan turned a bright shade of red, freaking out, then tried to regain her composure. "Don't be ridiculous. That's disgusting," she spat and grabbed her computer, stomping off to her bedroom.

Sara followed closely behind, shutting Tegan's bedroom door behind her, and spoke lowly. "You can't keep denying it Tegan. I know you want me."

Tegan balled her fists and pushed them against her dresser, wanting to get angry, but she was exhausted. Months had passed since that day on the bus, and all she ever did was get drunk or abuse Sara when they weren't performing a show. She was sick of hurting her sister, and herself. That wasn't who she was, and it wasn't who she wanted to be, but what other choice did she have? She had to push Sara away because she couldn't just be with her sister, it was impossible, and it wasn't what she wanted out of life. She didn't want to have to hide her whole life, she did that enough before coming out of the closet only less than a year ago.

Tegan leaned against the wall, sliding down it to the floor, deflated. "So what if I did? There's nothing we can do about it."

Sara pushed herself off from the wall and walked over to Tegan, moving down to the floor to sit on her knees in front of her sister. She rested her palms flat on Tegan's knees. "We could be together, we would just have to be careful. I know we could do it Tegan."

Tegan let out a shaky breath, her eyes already threatening to spill a waterfall of tears. This was just too much. It was completely insane for them to be having this conversation. "We can't. _I_ can't. I'm not ready for something like that."

"Will you ever be?" Sara asked quietly.

"I don't know." Tegan answered honestly, letting the first tear of many fall.

"Let me help you try," Sara whispered, pushing on Tegan's knees until her legs were flat against the dark gray carpet. She moved her body upwards, straddling Tegan's thighs and began unbuttoning her jeans.

"Sara, I don't think–"

"Shh," Sara pressed her pointer finger to Tegan's lips, silencing her. "Don't think about it, just do it."

Tegan nodded, the tears falling faster. She couldn't ignore the wetness left between her own legs as Sara pulled her hand to her mound, forcing Tegan to rub her over her panties. Sara rested her hands on Tegan's shoulder and leaned in close to her face, their features lining up. "Touch me, Tegan."

Tegan used her other hand to pull Sara's panties to the side, and slid the two same fingers that had just been pleasuring herself right into Sara. Sara moaned, her hips rocking back and forth to ride Tegan's fingers, and she slipped her tongue into Tegan's mouth, drawing a moan from her.

Tegan held Sara's hip steady, and she pumped harder, losing herself in the sound of her fingers pushing their way between Sara's tight walls and through her juices.

"Mmm, _baby_, right there," Sara breathed into Tegan's bent ear warmly, then bit the cartilage, and began moving up and down faster. She was so close already, and it was just more proof to her that her and Tegan should be together.

Tegan whimpered, feeling her swelling clit give a twitch over the words. No one had ever talked to her like that before, their voice just dripping with need and lust. She needed to hear Sara come and started curling her fingers, pressing against Sara's g-spot on each thrust. She only managed three thrusts before Sara let out a deep, long moan right into her ear, her bottom lip smushed against Tegan's multiple piercings.

Sara's body slumped, satisfied, and she laid her head on Tegan's shoulder, regaining her breath and waited for Tegan to pull out of her.

"Finally," she sighed, "I've been waiting for months for _you_ to actually touch _me_."

The way she put the emphasis on certain words irked Tegan. "What does_ that_ mean?" She questioned harshly, wiping her fingers on Sara's jeans, and she felt the demons within her rise and grow angry again. Sara's idea wasn't helping at all, it was only making things worse.

"No..nothing.." Sara stuttered and tried to nuzzle her face into Tegan's neck. She at least wanted to enjoy her slowly fading high before Tegan flipped out on her.

"Bullshit! What did you do?!" Tegan pushed Sara off of her and pulled her knees back into her chest.

"I didn't do anything! It was you!" Sara fell onto her back, and leaned back up on her elbows, yelling.

"Ergh," Tegan rolled her eyes, annoyed beyond belief, "then what did _I_ do?!"

Sara looked away, pressing her lips together tightly. She never wanted Tegan to find out about this, and she had planned to take it to the grave to her.

"Sara!" Tegan shouted and crawled over to Sara, grabbing bunches of Sara's shirt in her fists and shook her.

Sara closed her eyes tight, trying to will herself somewhere else, just anywhere but here.

"Sara! Tell me right fucking now!" She cried, more scared than anything. She had just assumed she passed out in bed every night as soon as she got done drinking. That was what Sara had said anyway.

"Every night that you got drunk.." Sara began, almost inaudible.

"No.." Tegan gasped quietly, terrified that she knew the direction this was heading. _That's_ what was happening every night she couldn't remember? It couldn't be, could it?

"You came onto me, and demanded that I touch you.. and I did, but you would never touch me. I didn't ask and you didn't offer." Sara tried backing away, fearful for the blow that was sure to be coming.

"How many times?" Tegan asked quietly, her grip loosening slightly on Sara, who just looked away again and bit her lip. "Sara!"

"I don't know! Fifteen?" Sara admitted.

"Fifteen?! What the fuck, Sara!" Tegan shot up into a standing position and pulled at her inch long hair from stress. How could that have happened so many times without her realizing it?

"Don't blame me! It's not my fault!" Sara sobbed.

"I was_ drunk_. You could have said no!" Tegan cried back and let go of Sara's shirt, standing up.

"No, I couldn't. You know that." Sara climbed up onto Tegan's bed and hung her head, shaking it slowly. How could Tegan be blaming her for something she didn't even start? All she did was do as Tegan asked of her, why couldn't Tegan just take the blame for once?

Tegan scoffed and stormed out of the room, down the hall. Sara contemplated locking herself in Tegan's room alone to cry, but she never got the chance to do what she came up to Tegan's apartment for in the first place, so she quickly jumped off the bed and followed Tegan into the kitchen.

"There's–" She began, before Tegan cut her off with her hand.

"_God_, just don't even start. I can't even look at you right now! Just go back to your apartment, we'll deal with this later." She pulled a glass down from her cupboard and grabbed the tequila from her fridge, pouring it straight into the glass and taking a big gulp. How could she begin to even think about a future where she was with Sara if things like this kept happening? Had her mind been convincing her to get drunk all those times because it knew she would go after the things she truly desired? Why was it so hard for her to accept? She took another drink, wondering why she had to be the more fucked up twin.

"No! Wait! I didn't get to tell you what I came here for." Sara reached out of Tegan's arm, and Tegan immediately tensed, cringing from the contact.

"What?" She held onto the glass tighter, feeling like it might crush under her grasp any second, and pulled away from Sara's touch.

"We've been offered a record deal." She said with no inflection, the offer now seeming like a curse rather than the blessing it had been an hour ago.


	8. I Choose To Celebrate The First

**A/N:** I don't know if I wrote the emotions as well as I wanted to, but I still really like this chapter and enjoyed writing it so I am really hoping you all enjoy reading it. I know some of you still aren't fond of Tegan's character and you may not for a while, but I'm hoping to get more into her back story in the coming chapters. In the meantime, let me know what you think and if there's any direction you would like to see this story go, or even just filler chapters of them interacting in a certain way or doing a specific something. Or, you can check out my other story, Symbiosis, that I may get an update for tonight or tomorrow for sure. Also, I realize that what I wrote for the music video part doesn't fit exactly with the actual video, so just pretend it does.

Also one more thing! I'm going to be vague but an (awesome) collaboration is in the beginning stages between an amazing quincest author and I so keep checking in the A/Ns for any updates on that! It's both our first time writing with another person but trust me, our plot is something you've never read before and it's going to great!

Enjoy and don't forget to review/favorite/follow/share! :)

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Tegan was positive she felt exactly the same as Sara had the night she performed Not Tonight for the first time. The past few months had passed quickly learning the in and outs of the music industry and working on their first album signed under their new label. These tasks left little time for them to dwell on their complicated personal issues, and they had yet to talk about where they stood and what the future held for them romantically speaking.

Tegan stretched her legs out, wiggly the toes of her bare feet and moved back a few inches in her stool, clutching onto her guitar for comfort. Sara sat not even two feet from her with her own guitar, sticking her own feet out and pursing her lips as her head bobbed while she watched the men around her set everything up to record their first music video. She caught Tegan's eye and smile, ecstatic that all their hard work so far had paid off, and life could only get better form now on. Tegan smiled weakly back and let out a deep sigh. Although Sara had heard the song multiple times already, and had even sung some of the back up vocals on the track to be used on the record, this time it felt different. Tegan was afraid people would see right through her in the video and know what she had meant by the question in her song; how about you and me, we go and get wasted?

Sara never said anything about the lyrics or if she understood that Tegan was directing the question at her. It was her confession that she wanted to be with Sara, but like all the other times they had slept together, alcohol had to be part of the equation in order for it to happen.

Tegan wasn't sure if that was a blessing or not. Part of her really wanted, and needed, for Sara to bring it up so they could resolve all of their issues once and for all, but she also feared the inevitable freak out she would have. It's been months since she has laid a hand on Sara in a violent way and she enjoyed seeing the bits of skin Sara would show healthy and unblemished, but she knew that anger and possibility of harming her sister still resided deep within her. Perhaps it was time she went to see a therapist, perhaps they both should.

"Ready girls?" Jon, their director, asked, positioning his bulky headphones over his ears and toying with one of the cameras.

Tegan nodded and took one more look around the room, a smile forming on her face over the decor. "Hey Jon, this is kind of a boy's set. Did you know we were girls?"

Sara's lips curled into a smile of their own and she looked up, joining the banter. "Where are all the flowers and shit?"

They shared a quick look as the people in the room laughed and waited silently until the guy holding the marker clapped the top down, documenting the starting time of production.

It turned out to be a longer day than either of them had expected it to be, having to reshoot some shots and taking a trip into the city to get some outdoor footage, but neither ever thought once of complaining. This was their dream, and they were loving every second of it.

At the end of the day, they packed up their guitars, and caught a taxi back to their apartment building together. Sara led the way into the building, unlocking the entrance door and held it open to allow Tegan to pass. She hit the up button on the elevator and stepped in after Tegan, who hit the 3rd floor button.

"Do you wanna hang out at my place for a little bit, actually?" Sara pushed in the 2nd floor button, letting the door close. "The adrenaline is still pumping through me and I don't want the day to end yet."

"Yeah," Tegan smiled and nodded, understanding just how Sara felt.

Sara pulled two beer bottles out of her fridge and nudged the door shut with her hip, walking back into the living room. She handed Tegan one and plopped down the loft couch, leaving a good foot between them as she smiled at her with an excited grin.

"Can you just imagine how awesome it's going to be when we're actually famous and can produce amazing videos?! I can't wait!" She shot out in one breath.

Tegan grinned, cracking her bottle open and taking a swig. With an elbow propped on the back of the couch, she turned her body towards Sara. "You really think we're gonna be super famous?"

"Of course! This is our dream, Tegan! It's in our sights now, all we have to do is grab it!" Sara slid her bottle onto her coffee table and inched towards Tegan, taking her empty hand in both of hers. She couldn't deny the ulterior motives she had by asking Tegan to her apartment. "We just have to stick together, and I know we can do it."

Tegan took another drink from her beer, the small touch of Sara's hands enough to make her feel like she needed it. She pulled the bottle away from her lips, swishing the hoppy alcohol around behind her closed lips, before swallowing.

"You have a little.." Sara loosened her grip on Tegan with one hand and reached to her face where a small trace of foam was left on Tegan's upper lip. She slowly wiped it away with her thumb before licking the digit clean.

"Thanks," Tegan blushed and glanced at Sara, still staring at her lips and biting her thumb.

Another gulp was emptied from Tegan's bottle before the both of them slowly moved forward until their lips were attached in their first mutual kiss brought on only by their feelings for one another, not by some kind of desperate deal or complete intoxication.

Tegan pulled away first, her hand trembling in Sara's hold, and immediately she went for another sip to calm her nerves.

"No, you don't need it." Sara reached for the bottle but her hand was quickly swatted away.

"Just one more," Tegan bargained and tipped her head back, the bottle turning upside down as the rest of the beer poured down her throat smoothly. She slammed the bottle down with a thunk and sighed, wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand before leaning back in to resume their lip lock.

Sara began to protest, wanting to scold Tegan for her action but she knew that this Tegan was better than a completely wasted one, or no Tegan at all, so when Tegan ran her tongue across her bottom lip, she greedily accepted it.

Their tongues mingled with one another, enjoying a slow, sensual kiss. Sara smiled against her sister's plump lips and swung a leg over her body, sitting in Tegan's lap, and clasped her hands together behind her neck.

Tegan moaned and slid her hands into the back pockets of Sara's jeans, squeezing her fleshy bum, and bringing her closer. She was trying her best to just let things progress naturally, and so far, so good. Sara settled more comfortably in Tegan's lap, trailing her kisses down to Tegan's chin and to her neck, sucking on her rapid pulse point.

"Do you trust me?" She mumbled the question against Tegan's strained neck, giving Sara the opportunity to mark as her own.

"Uh huh," Tegan replied back breathily. Her mind had been turned into a puddle from the wet tongue working her neck, she could barely form a coherent thought, let alone answer.

"If I go to my room for a second, are you going to run?" Sara asked, grabbing Tegan's jaw in one hand and rolling the cartilage of her bent ear between her fingers.

Tegan looked into Sara's eyes and gulped, then glanced over to the front door and her guitar sitting right next to it. She didn't want to run, even though that felt like the right thing to do. She bit her lip and shook her head, pulling her hands out from Sara's pockets and watched as she retreated down the hall to her bedroom. Again she looked to the front door, then to the almost full beer bottle on the coffee table. She quickly reached for it and put it to her lips, drinking as much as she could while keeping an eye out for Sara. The sound of Sara's door shutting filled her ears and she quickly put it back on the table, licked her lips, and resumed her previous position.

Sara returned a second later with textured blue dildo attached to leather harness. Not once did she take her eyes off Tegan as she set the toy on her coffee table and pulled her shirt off, revealing the black bra that was unhooked and shrugged off, falling to the floor to join her t-shirt. She went for the belt of her jeans, undoing it. "Are you comfortable with this?" She let her pants fall to floor, leaving her in only a pair plain white boxers.

Tegan's eyes skimmed Sara's body shamelessly, and she gave a slight nod. She was sick of her fingers doing the job, she wanted Sara to be the one to stretch and fill her, making her moan and scream until she couldn't take it anymore.

"Take your clothes off." Sara instructed while she adjusted the straps of the harness to hug her hips snugly.

Tegan stood up and shook her head. "You do it. I'm not saying we're anything more than what we currently are, but if we're going to do this, it's got to be more than just a quick fuck. Having it be just that isn't right."

Sara nodded, agreeing. "C'mere then." She grabbed Tegan's hand and pulled her near, pressing her lips gently to Tegan's face and neck as she stripped her down, leaving her in nothing but her mismatched striped socks. Tegan looked down and smiled, wiggling her toes.

With the both of them nude, the blue toy standing erect and squished between their stomachs, Sara pushed Tegan's shoulders, sitting her back down on the couch. Tegan drew her knees up, and planted her heels on the edge, spreading herself and giving Sara an unbelievable view of her pink, swollen pussy. Sara licked her lips and knelt, holding the back of Tegan's neck with one hand and the toy with the other, which she ran up and down Tegan's slit slowly, preparing her.

When the tip of the cock was covered in Tegan's slick, heady juice she held it at her pulsing entrance, pushing in the bulbous end with little resistance and continued pushing until skin met skin. Sara took a moment to watch Tegan's stringy cum stick to the harness whenever she would pull out an inch and move back in. Tegan whined and hung her head low while Sara developed a steady rhythm.

Just as Tegan started to move her hips in time with the thrusts, Sara slowly pulled out, Tegan's walls clenching desperately to the shaft, not wanting to be left without it.

"Lay down," Sara whispered, guiding Tegan onto her back. She situated herself between her legs, lining their bodies up, and carefully slid back into Tegan with a groan. Tegan wrapped her legs around Sara's backside, locking her in.

"Is this how you like it?" Sara questioned, lifting her head and searching Tegan's face. It was an honest question. While Sara had more experience with Tegan's body, she really didn't know it all that well and vise versa. She just wanted Tegan to enjoy it, and want to come back for more.

Tegan blushed and closed her eyes as she answered the personal question. "Yeah, just make sure you go all the way in each time. I, uhm, like that feeling of.. being.. full." She trailed off, stammering.

Sara released the slightest chuckle and nodded. "Got it." She moved her hips out, and plunged back in until she felt her mound against Tegan. She repeated the simple action over and over, focusing on Tegan's rugged breath with her head buried in the crook of her neck, smelling her musky aroma.

Tegan stared up at the ceiling as her body moved against the uncomfortable cushions of the couch. She bit her lip and moaned, feeling Sara's cock rub against her g-spot each time she went in and then pulled back out. It felt amazing, obviously but the guilt coursing through her did not. She moved her hand from Sara's tight shoulder muscle and to her face, wiping away the streaming tear running down the side of her cheek. She closed her eyes tightly, forcing more of the large droplets of salty water from her tear ducts and kept wiping them away, hoping to hide them from her twin. She let out the smallest whimper as she took a sharp breath, a sound Sara knew was different from her typical moans. She lifted her head and focused in on Tegan.

"Do you want me to stop?" She slowed as soon as she saw the distressed state her sister was in. Had she done something wrong, or hurt her?

"No, keep going." Tegan sobbed, letting her emotions take over. Her mind wasn't even forming shame ridden thoughts anymore, but she was reacting severely. Was this a glimpse to how it was going to be every time? Had she cried all those times Sara fucked her in the van when she was drunk?

Sara started to resume her pace hesitantly, never taking her eyes of Tegan's face and helped rid the tears of her face with light kisses. Eventually the choked sobs turn back into moans and Sara swallowed them as she kissed her sister passionately.

"Are you close?" She murmured when Tegan turned her head from the kiss to hiccup.

She nodded frantically and dug her nails into Sara's back, leaving deep, red indents for Sara to find later. One of Sara's hands ran down Tegan's side and to her soaked folds, dipping between them and scissored her clit slowly until Tegan's moist eyes rolled into the back of her head and her body convulsed beneath Sara.

After minutes of her trying to regain her breath and stop her tears, she relaxed her legs and Sara sat up, now free, and got off the couch, removing the strap on from her hips. She eyed Tegan, watching her as she crossed her legs to cover herself and covered her face with her forearms. She didn't know what had just gone on, no girl had ever had a breakdown during sex, but she needed to know why, and she needed to fix it. She needed to fix Tegan.

"Let's go lay in my bed." She wrapped one of Tegan's hands around her own and pulled her up. Tegan let herself be guided off the couch and into the hall. Tegan stopped abruptly in front of the first of two doors in the hall and Sara turned around, nodded and let go of her hand, continuing on to her bedroom.

Tegan returned a few minutes later, her eyes looking much less red and swollen and she grabbed the old, oversized hockey tournament shirt and pair of boxers, slipped them on, and joined Sara on top of the sheets, dressed in the same thing.

They both laid down, facing each other. "Do you want to talk about it?" Sara asked gently, running her hands through her sister's hair. Tegan closed her eyes and melted into the comforting touch, it always did calm her, no matter who it was playing with her hair.

"No," she mumbled, turning her face into the softness of the pillow beneath her.

"Do you regret it?" Sara moved closer, wrapped her arm around Tegan's waist and placed her hand on the small of her back under her shirt, rubbing soothing circles. If Tegan wasn't willing to talk, she at least wanted to calm her down as best she could.

She shook her head and rolled over, snuggling back into Sara's front. It would be easier for her to handle this if she didn't see Sara's face right now. "I just want to do this right now. Just hold me."

Sara kissed the nape of Tegan's neck and pulled her closer, searching for her hand in the darkness and squeezed it tight as they lay in the silence. The minutes ticked by and they both just listened to the sound of the other's even breath.

"Sasa?" Tegan spoke, the first to break the silence after an hour.

"Yeah?" Sara replied back in a whisper, a smile forming on her face over the childhood nickname. That gave her the hope she needed that everything would turn out okay.

"I think I'm going to go see a therapist before we head out for the next tour, and I want you to come too."

"To talk about this? Us?" Sara muttered against her neck. She understood Tegan's desire to seek help, but they couldn't. Not about this.

"Yeah. I know you won't agree, but I have got to talk openly to someone about this. I'll go crazy if I don't. I'm sick of hurting you Sara, and I hate the way I feel. I'm going to go with or without you, but I hope you do come."

Sara sighed, thinking about all the awful things that could happen by telling someone that they have been engaging in an incestuous relationship. Their label would be sure to drop them, and would they go to jail? It was a terrifying thought but Tegan was completely right. If they didn't figure things out soon, things would only get worse and they would never be able to function around each other and not only would she lose the person she felt she was in love with and her business partner, but also her sister.

"Okay, Tee. I'll go with you."


	9. You're Not The Only One

**A/N:** I guess angry smut bordering on rape is the result of having to work six days straight and not being able to spend Christmas with your family. Oh well, it's an update, right? I don't think I've ever quite written something so dark, even if it is still pretty mild, but let me know what you think! Enjoy!

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The twins sat as far from each other on the plush leather couch, uncomfortable in their own skin while the therapist wrote something down on her notepad, intrigued by their behavior already. Working with twins was her specialty but even only after ten minutes of them having walked through the door, she knew they would be difficult and challenge all of the abilities she had learned over the years.

She dotted her sentence with a period and crossed her legs, looking up. "Why don't we start off with what brought you two here today?" She suggested, flipping her notepad to a blank page and resting the tip of the pen against the paper, ready to go.

Tegan uncrossed and crossed her legs, chancing a glance at Sara. The second their eyes met she turned her body away and bit the flesh of her knuckles. She struggled to find the words that could begin to explain the predicament they found themselves in.

Sara looked from Tegan to the therapist with a bored look on her face, picking strands of stray bleach blonde hair off her fleece sweater, waiting. She listened to the faint tick-tick-tick of the plastic clock hanging on the pale blue wall. She exhaled loudly, annoyed that the first of their promised steady checks would be handed right off to someone who could never truly understand everything that she felt in herself.

Tegan cleared her throat, and caught Sara's eye again, pleading silently that she take the lead on this one. Not one to deny her sister's requests or needs, no matter how absurd they sometimes were, she unlinked her fingers from their place around her knee and began, spewing every intimate moment of their lives over the past year and few months, sparing no elaborate detail. As each word floated into Tegan's ear, she gripped the arm of the couch tighter, her knuckles turning such a ghostly white she was sure the bones would break through the skin at any second. An inaudible sob passed her lips and she studied each slight movement of the therapists face and hands, trying to determine just how disgusted she was by her.

Not one time throughout Sara's tale did the point of her pen touch the paper on her lap, and once Sara was finished, ending with, "All I know is that I love her." Tegan flinched. It was the one sentence she prayed wouldn't be said. The doctor sat back in her chair and looked to Tegan, raising her eyebrows, questioning if there was anything she would like to add. She shook her head shamefully, knowing full well the heartbreak her counterpart was experiencing because of it. The result of her inability to confess her feelings rendered Sara mute the rest of the session, and it left little opportunity for anything to progress and be solved.

"Did you have to tell her _everything_?" Tegan hissed through clenched teeth as she followed closely behind Sara out the main doors of the clinic building and into the fresh, warm Vancouver air.

Sara stopped in mid-step, and felt the body of her sister collide into her back. She whipped around and grabbed Tegan's wrist, yanking her with one quick tug from the middle of the sidewalk to the wall of a brick building, waiting for the other passersby to move on. She turned to her sister with a heated glare. "How do you expect her to help you if she doesn't know the whole story?"

"Help _me_?" Tegan asked in disbelief. "This is meant to help _us_. You're a part of this too."

"No, _I'm_ not. The only help I need is finding a sister who isn't a fucking coward." Sara spat, walking away with a stomp and her fists clenched tight.

"Sara! _Sara_! Hold up!" Tegan yelled, pounding her shoes against the sidewalk quickly, trying to catch up with a now jogging Sara.

The crowd of people hanging out on the cement made Tegan lose sight of her sister and it wasn't until she was pushing her way through the door of their apartment complex that she finally saw her again. She opted not to go to her third floor place, and followed Sara to her the second floor and through her front door, uninvited.

"Sara just listen, please!" Tegan begged, pressing her palms against the wood of Sara's kitchen table, trying to catch her breath. "Why can't you understand that the reason I wanted to do this was just to get a professional, unbiased opinion on the situation?! I'm not doing it to damage our relationship or drive you away or whatever it is you think my motives are! We're not capable of figuring this out on our own! I'm not trying to hurt you!"

"But you are!" Sara screamed, slamming her refrigerator door shut with a swift push and setting the unopened bottle of scotch onto the counter. She reached for a glass and filled it almost to the brim. Tegan lifted her head and watched her younger siblings movements. She couldn't possibly be drinking at a time like this.

As if on cue, able to hear her sister's thoughts, Sara raised the glass and slackened her jaw, pouring almost half of the liquid down her throat, trying not to gag and sputter as the strong, bitter alcohol burned her throat and warmed her insides. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and stepped up to Tegan, her warm potent breath sent an unwanted shiver down Tegan's spine. "Do you know what you've put me through Tegan?! How do you think _I_ felt when the one person I care about started abusing me and would continue when I didn't fight back?! Huh?! Or when she would get black out drunk repeatedly and beg me to touch her but as soon as she sobered up it was like I didn't even exist!?" She let out a choked, painful sob and threw back the rest of the glass' contents.

"Sara, I'm so–" Tegan started, her eye moistening. She hadn't a clue on how to make it up to Sara. Her actions were unforgivable, no matter how remorseful she felt.

"Don't. Don't you dare apologize until you can even begin to know what you put me through." Sara fumed. She returned to her refrigerator and poured another glass for herself, needing to get drunk, and needing it to happen fast. Tegan remained at the table's side, deflated. Sara was right, the only way for her to know what she felt was to... Sara's plan finally clicked in Tegan's brain and she popped her head up, finding that Sara had almost downed her second glass in record time. She met Sara's gaze and she felt sick to her stomach. Sara could be a bitch, that was for sure, but she wasn't vengeful, not to this extent.

Sara saw Tegan's pupil's dilate in fear and her fingers twitch as her flight senses began to take over and she was back in her face in a flash, jabbing her long finger into Tegan's sternum forcefully. "Don't you even think about walking out that door."

Tegan gulped and gripped onto the edge of the table, praying that it would be enough to steady her wobbly knees as Sara marched of to her bedroom. She trailed her gaze to the front door, her toes itching to head in their direction but she knew that if she left, whatever Sara had planned now wouldn't be even close to what would happen if she did.

Sara returned, an item occupying each hand. Tegan eyed them apprehensively. She recognized the black leather cuffs, having seen them lying around Sara's floor before but the oddly L-shaped purple item in her other hand was new.

Sara placed the items on the table with a thunk and pulled out one of the dining chairs. Tegan's eyes widened as she realized the other item was a dildo, that would be going inside the _both_ of them.

"Take your pants and underwear off," Sara ordered, reaching for the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head. She dropped it to the floor soundlessly. "And you better get wet quick or that is going to be very unpleasant."

Tegan didn't need to be told twice, knowing full well how painful it could be when even a finger entered her dry, let alone something as thick as a dildo, especially since she was pretty sure the short, stout end would be going into her. She dropped her pants and began rubbing her clit frantically, trying to conjure images in her head that would turn her on instantly. Naturally Sara came to mind and she bit her lip, feeling her wetness starting to seep onto her fingertips but as quickly as she felt it, it was gone and her hands were being forced behind her back. She felt the pressure of a boney knee hit the back of hers and she dropped onto the chair, helpless as her wrists were bound to the chair by the cuffs. She tightened her biceps, pulling against her restraints but the efforts were futile, she was trapped until Sara decided otherwise.

Sara kicked her clothes off to the side and grabbed the toy. She nudged Tegan's knees, spreading her and pushed the toy into her in one movement. Tegan flinched over being stretched further than she ever had been before and let out a shuddery breath, trying to get used to the feeling. Sara straddled her, lowering herself and letting the toy slowly fill her until her bum rested against Tegan's thighs. She grasped onto Tegan's shoulders and slowly rolled her hips, making sure Tegan could feel every movement just as much as she could. Slowly she began riding her, bouncing up and down, the sounds of their fleshiest areas meeting each other filled the room.

Sara tilted her head back and let her eyes flutter shut. It was the first time she had used her new toy and she could feel the resistance of it from Tegan's end each time she pulled upwards. Her original intentions were to last as long as she could to make up for each time Tegan didn't make her cum but once the steady rhythm was down, she knew that wouldn't be the case.

Tegan whimpered, watching Sara's breasts sway as she moved and she tugged her arms forward, so badly wanting to just touch her but she knew this wasn't about her getting off and that she would probably be reprimanded for her voicing her pleasure. Sara's eyes pop opened when she heard the sound and she seized Tegan's jaw, squeezing tightly, and looked her straight in the eye. "Don't you even _think_ about cumming." She threatened and let her jaw go with a slight shove.

Tegan nodded hurriedly, and focused as hard as she could on holding her orgasm at bay until Sara finished with a guttural cry, making her clit twitch from the pleasant noise.

Sara smiled, dazed, and let up on her pace. She ran her hands up and down her body sensually, making sure Tegan was watching, and stopped at her nipples, squeezing them between her thumb and forefinger. Tegan let out an almost inaudible moan and Sara cupped her cheek, smirking.

"Do you want to cum, TeeTee?" Sara whispered softly, the sympathy and gentleness in her features betraying every action she just took.

Tegan bit her lip and nodded frantically. She was so close it was almost painful. Sara rocked her hips slowly, just enough for Tegan to still feel the object inside her graze her g-spot.

"This is your chance then," Sara cooed, pushing Tegan's short damp hair off her forehead. "Just say it. Admit you love me, and I'll give you your release."

Tegan hung her head, letting Sara's finger graze through her hair and she tasted her hot salty tears as they dropped onto her protruding bottom lip. She wanted to give Sara what she wanted just as desperately as she wanted to explode in ecstasy but she couldn't. It was physically impossible for her lips to form the words and she feared that if this couldn't make her say it, then nothing would.

Sara ceased her movements, understanding that Tegan was giving up and she wasn't going to utter a word and stood up, letting the toy slip out of her and fall onto Tegan's thigh, her cum sticking to Tegan's creamy skin. She scooped up her clothes and took one last look at Tegan. She remained with her shoulders slumped, shaking slightly from her cries and for a moment, Sara felt guilty but then she remembered what Tegan had done to her and she straightened her shoulders, walking away to her room without releasing her sister.

"I'm sorry." Tegan spoke quietly to the stale air as she watched Sara's hips sway back and forth as she made her exit.

"You're not the only one."


	10. It's Not What It Looks Like

**A/N:** I don't really have much to say about this chapter, just enjoy and review! :)

In other news though, uponarainbow and I have teamed up to write a story! I think it's going be pretty awesome and that everyone will really love it so if you so please, you can read the first chapter! It's called **By The Skin of Their Teeth **and the author name for it is **wheredidtherainbowgo **so go check it out and let us know what you think!

* * *

Tegan unconsciously trailed her fingertips over the dark red marks still left from Sara's cuffs and her desperate attempts at trying to escape them for over an hour after Sara left her to sit, still dripping wet and horny a week ago. She focused her sight on the photograph of a horse hanging on the wall just behind the therapist's shoulder, waiting nervously.

"Will Sara be joining us today, Tegan?" The doctor asked, a sympathetic smile perfected from over the years was splayed across her aging features.

"No. It's just me today." Tegan smiled weakly. She hadn't bothered asking Sara if she would join her today, knowing that all she would get was a roll of the eyes and slamming door in her face. For the most part, Tegan was thankful she was alone today. She didn't want or need Sara talking so graphically about what she had done, and how Tegan didn't even attempt to stop her.

The therapist nodded, jotting something down in her notepad, and Tegan shifted uncomfortably, afraid of what her body was language saying about her. She desperately needed this woman's help but she hated how she would start writing things down over words or actions that didn't hold any purpose to Tegan. What kind of psychological meaning could those five words have had?

"Is that why Sara isn't here today?" She pointed with the end of her pen to Tegan's wrists. "Did she do that to you Tegan?"

Tegan froze, then quickly removed her hands from the affected skin and yanked her sweatshirt sleeves down, clasping the ends of the sleeves between her fingers to shamefully hide the evidence. She didn't want to talk about _that_. "Uhm.. uh.. well.." Tegan stammered, words failing her. "It's, uh, complicated I guess."

The therapist raised her eyebrows as she looked up at Tegan over the rim of her thick glasses. Her pen waited to be moved against the paper.

Tegan took a deep inhale of all the oxygen around as she could and clenched her eyelids shut, trying to keep herself calm. She reminded herself of all the things she already knew about Sara and her's relationship. There was nothing she could say that could possibly disturb her any more than she already had been.

"She did it, but it was my fault. I deserved it." Tegan admitted, her eyes low and welling with tears.

"What did you deserve Tegan? What did she do?"

"She, uhm, well she has this pair of leather cuffs and she was upset and hurting because I wouldn't say how I felt and we were standing in her kitchen, and she was drinking, and... and she cuffed me to a chair... and... yeah. I'm sure you know what happened next." Tegan confessed with a shaky voice, feeling no relief by getting that out of her system.

"Are you saying that your sister raped you?"

"No." Tegan instantly answered. By definition, yes, Sara had technically raped her but it was nothing that Tegan thought she didn't deserve. For months Tegan has essentially done the same to Sara, and Sara was just showing her what that felt like. "I mean I didn't ask for it, but I didn't exactly say no either."

The therapist shook her head and frowned. She could see the turmoil that Tegan was in over this, and while she may not understand the twins relationship as well as she had with her other patients, it was her job to help_ them_ understand, and to not place judgement. She reached for the box of tissues sitting on the coffee table between them and offered them to Tegan. She leaned back into her chair and waited for Tegan to stop the flow of tears streaming down her cheeks as best she could before she continued. "Why don't we talk about why you're having trouble admitting your feelings.

Tegan bunched the used tissue in her clenched fist, leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees, and gaped at the therapist, dumbfounded. Was it not blatantly obvious why she didn't want to admit anything?

"Because she's my sister! Don't you think that's disgusting?!" Tegan fell against the back of the couch with a huff, frustrated. She had never imagined she would be in this situation, or that it would be this complicated. She thought it should have been simple. As soon as the therapist hear their story, she should have said it was wrong, and that they should push their feelings away, never to confront them again.

"It's not my job to impose my personal opinions on you, Tegan. All I want is to help you get to a place where you, as well as your sister, accept who you are, what you feel and think, and come out healthy, stable, and comfortable after that realization." She smiled warmly, and stood up, setting her pen and paper down on her chair. She walked over to the corner of the room and lifted up a large wooden easel with a huge pad of white paper on it. Setting it a few feet from the couch, she grabbed the fat black marker and drew a line down the middle of a fresh page with 'Pros' written on one side, and 'Cons' on the other. "I want you to write down the good and bad things about, hypothetically, loving and being with Sara." She held the marker out for Tegan and returned to her seat when Tegan was standing in front of the easel, thinking about her answers.

She twisted the marker in the fingers, and then pulled the cap off, staring with the cons.

- She's my sister.

- Illegal.

- Can never be public (can't get married, have kids, tell family/friends)

- Ruin our career/lose record deal

It was a short list, but they weighed pretty heavily on the scale of things. She moved on to the pros with a sad smile, knowing she could make it a mile long if she desired.

- Incredibly intelligent

- Great sense of humor

- Talented

- Honest and trustworthy

- Beautiful (inside and out)

- Will always be there for me

- Knows me better than I know myself

- Protective

- Adventurous

- Ambitious

- Kind and caring

She blushed and moved her body to cover the paper as she continued.

- Cute body

- Amazing in bed

- She loves me back

Tegan popped the cap back onto the marker, letting her arms hang at her side as she read over the list. She smiled briefly until she hit the last one, and her smile grew. She had gotten so caught up in the writing, she hadn't realized that she admitted her love for her sister in the presence of another person. What was even better, was that the person she loved, had already admitted their feelings. Sara had fallen in her lap, ready to be hers, and she hadn't even noticed. But as great as that was, she still didn't feel like she was ready for that intense of a relationship.

"I think you've found your answer, Tegan." The therapist tipped her head at the list of pros, and smiled. "Go find Sara. Tell her what you have to."

Tegan obeyed with a nod of her head and dropped the marker to the couch, leaving the office quickly without so much as a good bye. She ran the mile back to their apartment, dodging people expertly as the balls of her feet pounded against the sidewalk. She skidded through the front doors and passed the elevator to the stairs taking them two at a time until she reached Sara's front door.

She froze in front of the door, her palms resting on her knees as she fought to catch her breath, and her mind blank. She had been so focused on getting to Sara, she hadn't thought about what she was actually going to say. The multitude of choices ran on a loop through her mind, but nothing sounded good enough. There was nothing she could say to possibly make up for the past year, but if she showed her feelings physically, then a commitment would be expected.

She took one last deep breath, straightened her spine, and smoothed her hair down, left sticking up from the drying sweat and gusts of wind blowing through it. The sound of her fist pounding on the wooden door rang impossibly loud in her ears and she waited, bouncing from foot to foot, for Sara to answer the door.

A minute passed, and then another without an answer. Tegan was tempted to return to her own apartment and try again later when she heard the sliding of the chain lock. The door cracked open a few inches and she was met with the silver chain, telling her that Sara had just locked the door, and not unlocked it. Her lips turned down into a worried frown and she raised her heels off the ground to look Sara in the eyes, without the chain getting in her way.

She looked into her bloodshot, puffy red eyes barely open a crack and then looked up to the inside of the dim apartment, seeing the light haze throughout it. Sara was baked out of her mind.

"Yeah?" She asked shortly, tapping her fingers in concession against her door.

Tegan stood stunned. Everything in her mind about what she was going to say and do, gone. Sara wasn't one to get stoned by herself, or to do it as a casual thing.

"Uh.. Hey.." Tegan scrambled for words, trying to find anything to say before Sara shut the door in her face with annoyance. "Can I come in? I need to talk to you."

Sara sighed, closing the door another inch and turned her head, checking out something behind the door. Her shirt moved across her skin as she made motions with her arm that Tegan couldn't see. Tegan pushed the door open as far as she could and tried to peek in, curious to know who Sara's company was.

Sara felt her breath against her neck and creased her eyebrows, turning back to Tegan. She pushed on her stomach until all of her was back within the area of the hall and shook her head. "Now isn't really a good time. Can I come up to your place later?"

"Why?" Tegan asked angrily. Who ever she had over wasn't there for just a casual visit, and to say this made Tegan jealous was a huge understatement. "Who's in there with you?"

"No o–" Sara started to say when the tall brunette Tegan vaguely recognized stepped behind Sara and wrapped a thin arm around Sara's stomach and rested her chin on her shoulder while she smiled at Tegan. "Hi."

Tegan took a small step backward, feeling like the wind had been knocked out of her. She watched the girls fingers dance slowly across Sara's t-shirt and trailed her sight upwards until they met Sara's again. The second they connected and Sara saw the hurt in them, she began to sober and finally made the connection of where Tegan had just returned from and what she could possibly want to talk about. Hurriedly she shut the door, slid the chain out of the lock and whipped the door back open and stepped out into the hall with her mouth gaping open, ready to talk. But it was too late, Tegan was already running back towards the staircase, thinking for sure that Sara had already begun to move on.


	11. Back On The Road

Tegan compartmentalized her belongings into the storage cupboards of their tour van, preparing to hit the road to promote their new album, This Business Of Art. Her obsessive compulsive disorder kicked in and she sat in the middle of the van, rearranging her shirts in order by color and alphabetizing all the new CDs she had into their overpacked case, leaving barely enough room for Sara to do the same.

Satisfied that every thing was in its proper place, Tegan hopped out, slid the door shut, and leaned against it with her head tilted high, staring up into Sara's third floor apartment. Every now and again, she would see Sara's darting figure pass by, hurrying to finish her last minute packing because of Lucy, the girl who Sara met camping and whom she hadn't left her side for the past week, avoiding Tegan. Lucy, however, made sure to greet Tegan with a chirpy "Hello!" any time they would cross in the elevator or through the front door, not bothering to question why Sara stayed silent, eyes planted straight ahead, unblinking and Tegan only mumbled a quick "Hey," before going on about her lonesome days.

Tegan spotted Lucy passing the window and grimaced. She was glad to finally be rid of her. Now Sara and her could just be together and figure things out, maturely. After a week without her, Tegan was confident that she wanted to give something with Sara a try, if Sara still felt the same, but still she was leery about a commitment. Tegan was much too affectionate to be with someone she couldn't show off in public. The thought alone of having to hide her entire life was enough to send her into a spiraling depression.

The minutes ticked by until Sara and Lucy met up with Tegan at the van, bags in hand. Tegan stepped out of the way, watching Sara closely as she unpacked in the same manor she had, and when she was done, she waited for Sara to say goodbye to Lucy. Instead, Lucy slipped her backpack off and began to climb into the back, preparing to ride along for the journey.

"Woah, hey," Tegan stuck her arm out, blocking the doorway. She looked to Sara, frozen in her spot and staring at the ground and then to Lucy, looking back and forth between the two.

"Sara?" Lucy said questioningly. "I thought you told her?"

"Told me what?" Tegan gritted her teeth, her steal grip on the door turning her knuckles white.

"She's coming with us." Sara spoke quietly, looking to her feet. She knew Tegan would get pissed and it frightened her to tell her they weren't going to be alone. She figured if she waited until the last minute, Tegan couldn't say no and she would have Lucy to stand behind for protection when Tegan lashed out.

Tegan tightened her jaw, shot a glare to Lucy, blaming her for everything she has felt in the past week, and shoved past her, grabbing Sara by the elbow, dragging her to the other side of the van. She crossed her arms, getting in Sara's face, her warm breath snaking its way around Sara's skin.

"What the fuck?" Tegan spat. "You really moved on that fast, huh?"

"It's not what you think, Tee. There's nothing going on between her and I." Sara mumbled, glancing through the van windows to Lucy, squinting her eyes and trying to get a feel for what was going on between the two. Sara was sure she could feel the hurt radiating off of Tegan, and she wanted to reach out, to comfort her and hold her, but she knew it would only result in a punch to the face. She crossed her arms instead, trying to fold into herself.

"Bullshit, Sara. The two of you just spent a week, inseparable, in your apartment. I know you, and I know you fucked her." Tegan sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, biting it to keep herself from pouting and trembling. Images of Lucy wrapped in Sara's sheets instead of herself made her knees wobble and she braced a hand against the van window, steadying herself.

Sara hung her head low. Tegan was right, but she only did it to get her mind off Tegan. It was easy to channel her frustration sexually onto Lucy. "It didn't mean any thing, I swear." She peeked up at her sister through her eyelashes and saw her features soften. It was the truth, and Tegan believed her.

"You could have came and talked to me." Tegan muttered, looking up to the sky to quickly blink back her tears before they fell. "All you had to do was walk down the stairs and listen. I would have told you what you wanted, needed, to hear."

Sara nodded, regretting her mistake. She took another glance towards Lucy, finding her facing the other way and sitting in the open door way. She reached out, toying with Tegan's fingers, trying to be as optimistic as possible. "Is it too late?"

Tegan shrugged, unsure of the answer. What had happened would definitely set them back, but it was nothing, she hoped, they couldn't fix and move on from. But for that to even happen, it had to be just them. "Is she coming along for the entire tour?"

Sara shook her head. Even she knew that would be crossing the line too far. "Just until we get to Ontario, or she finds something else that grabs her attention. It should only be a few days, then we can have a talk, about us?"

"Yeah." Tegan answered softly, circling her tongue around the back of her labret piercing. She was eager to have their talk, but the non confrontational part of her was dreading it.

Sara nodded, "Well, we should probably hit the road. I'm going to hang in back with Lucy if you want to drive."

"Yeah, okay," Tegan replied, disappointed. She turned around and climbed into the driver's seat, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel while she waited for Sara and Lucy. When they were in, Sara leaned in between the driver and passenger's seats, mouthing "I'm sorry," through the rearview mirror before pulling the divider shut, leaving Tegan alone.

Tegan blindly searched with her hand around the middle console, wondering where the CD case was so she could blast her favorite artists to drown out the giggles coming from the back. With a defeated grunt she remembered she left it in back for Sara to put hers in and there was no way she was risking the pain of drawing back the divider and seeing them doing whatever it was they were to entertain themselves. She settled on the least annoying radio station she could find and cranked it, blocking out everything, including her thoughts.

Night fell, and after a days worth of driving, Tegan pulled into a wayside to set up camp and get ready for bed before another half day of driving followed by their first show of the tour. Tegan followed Lucy and Sara into the bathroom, trying to keep her focus on her feet or the ground right in front of her. She knew without asking that all three of them would be sharing a bed, and it only lowered her mood more. She forwent putting her pajamas on left to return to the van first, tossing her pajamas in the door of the van, and went to the back, climbing up the small metal ladder to the roof to smoke a cigarette before her restless night ahead.

Sara returned to the van, Lucy at her side, and exhaled, finding Tegan on the roof. She threw her clothes in the van and stood on the ledge of the doorway, resting her elbows on the roof. She waited until Tegan looked at her and smiled weakly, "Goodnight Tegan."

Tegan shifted, drawing her knees up around her chest and wrapped her arm around her shins but didn't reply, just took another drag off her cigarette.

Sara hated that Tegan indulged in smoking cigarettes. She feared that not only would it disrupt their career later on, but also Tegan's health, and she would lose the two most important things to her; music and her sister, but that undeniable comfort she found in the lingering scent of smoke on Tegan would always remain. One day, Tegan would find herself reveling in the same comfort of the ever present scent of coffee on Sara.

Sara sat up in the bed, watching Tegan sneak back in and slip her shirt off, then her bra, moving her arm quickly to her chest to cover herself until she slipped her pajama top on, and repeated the same movements with her jeans and pajama bottoms. She didn't care if Tegan knew, or was bothered, that she was watching. Her heart ached to talk to Tegan, or just to be alone in her presence, but it was impossible with Lucy there. At the end of the night, that is where Sara had to return even if she had no desire to, but now it didn't matter. Lucy would be gone after another night and Sara could finally get her arms wrapped around Tegan, listening to those three words she so longed to hear, and knew where rightfully hers.

Tegan crawled onto the bed, avoiding Sara knowing full well that her undivided attention was on her. With the chilly glass window practically squished against her nose, she pulled her blue blanket over her body, and stared out into the darkness. The faint outline of her hand print from earlier still smeared on the window grabbed her attention and she aligned her palm against it. Still she could feel Sara's gaze on her, burning holes into the back of her neck, and she was tempted to roll over, shooting Sara smart remarks lowly until she was forced to roll over and cuddle with her, but that wasn't what Sara wanted to be tempted into.

Sara leaned up onto her elbow, facing Tegan, and squinted in the dark, trying to catch Tegan's eye in the reflection of the window. Tegan blinked, staring back, thoughts of what Sara was thinking and planning eating away at her brain as her body stayed frozen like a statue. It felt like hours had passed before Tegan let out an inaudible sigh and tried to ignore Sara, shutting her eyes tight and focusing on the upcoming shows they would be playing, in bigger venues, with bigger audiences. Things she knew she could handle craving.

Eventually, Sara moved, craning her neck to make sure Lucy was asleep under the green blanket covering both their slim bodies, and satisfied she wasn't going to wake, scooted herself out from the blanket and to the one covering her sister. She lined herself up evenly with Tegan's body, her knees bent slightly into the crook of Tegan's own bent pair, and nuzzled her face lightly into Tegan's neck, inhaling her smokey scent and grazing her lips over the soft skin that shuddering from the gentle touch. Sara grinned, slinking her arm over Tegan's middle to rest her open palm on the slight rise and fall of Tegan's stomach. The muscles in Tegan's stomach tensed, unsure of how to react to the sensual, loving touch coming from its owner.

The longer Sara's hand lingered, the more Tegan's muscles seemed to spasm. Her heart beat erratically and her fingers twitched, itching to link her fingers together with Sara's, yet also not wanting to give her sister the satisfaction that she loved her so much, she was willing to let their complications go without a word but by the silent persistent kisses being placed to her sweet spots and the soft tickle of Sara's dancing fingertips. So Tegan waited until she heard the deep, even breaths blow across her ear before she raised the blanket slightly, double checking that Sara was actually full on spooning her, which also happened to be in just the way Tegan liked it. Tegan smiled to herself, moving her arm delicately down, stopping over Sara's hand splayed across her stomach, covered in goosebumps and lowered her arm, entwining her fingers with Sara's. She snuggled backwards, not bothering to care she was being so open about the touch she desired from Sara, if Sara was asleep. She let her eyes shut peacefully, and before allowing herself to fall into a sleep filled with optimistic dreams, she pulled the silver ball under her lip into her mouth, contemplating whether to say the words clinging to the tip of her tongue, and when the confession became too heavy for her to hold in her mouth any longer, faintly Tegan murmured, "I love you."

Behind her, Sara peeked her eyes open and smiled wide, her pudgy cheeks hurting from the strain. She pressed her lips to the nape of Tegan's neck once more and felt her body stiffen in her arms, Tegan hadn't meant for Sara to hear the soft utterance, looking over Sara's shoulder, they both checked on the sleeping girl laying inches from them, then their eyes locked and shouted all the things they couldn't, as Sara whispered, "Say it again."

Tegan opened her mouth and choked, the words stuck in her throat.


	12. Tangled Up Beneath Me

**A/N: **Are we finally headed in the direction you all are begging this story to go in? :)

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The pink and blue neon sign grabbed Sara's attention, and she grinned, taking hold of Tegan's wrist to drag her through the doors of the small convenience store located a block from the venue they just performed in.

Tegan followed closely behind, though careful not to step on Sara's heels, her nose turning up at the sketchy state of the store. She turned to Sara, whose grip was still tight on her wrist and eyeing the cashier eye them, whispered in her ear. "What could you possibly need from here?"

"Snacks!" Sara chirped, her gums showing. She was still riding on her high from their first night back on stage. "If we aren't going to be blowing coke with all the rock stars and their groupies, we might as well have our own bit of fun, don't you think?"

Tegan rolled her eyes, but agreed. Not only had they just opened up for Rufus Wainwright, but it was also the first night they would be alone together with out Lucy, whom they had dropped off earlier that day, constantly breathing down their necks. Tegan was ready, although nervous, to finally talk to Sara and she hoped the unfamiliar, fresh scene of a comfy hotel room wouldn't make her choke up this time when it came to telling Sara she loved her.

Sara loosened her fingers and dropped Tegan's wrist, letting her arm dangle at her side as she poked her head around an aisle to read the sign that told her where to find what she was looking for.

"I'm going to grab some fruit snacks," Sara settled on, then pointed to another aisle for Tegan a few rows done to head towards. "You go get some juice boxes."

"What are we, five?" Tegan smirked, raising an eyebrow with a hand on her cocked up.

The air went stale when Sara looked away, not amused by the sarcastic comment. Toying with a stack of newspapers in front of her, Sara looked to the tiled floor smeared with dirt as she spoke. "I really don't think either of us should be drinking tonight, ya know? And I know how you like your gummies, so."

"Oh, right." Tegan mumbled awkwardly, the regret setting in. "What flavor juice do you want?"

"You know what I like." Sara said, brushing her shoulder against Tegan's purposefully, walking away.

Tegan nodded, heading to the aisle Sara had directed her to. She eyed the shelves of different brands and flavors of juice, her mind drawing a complete blank. Of course she knew what Sara like, she knew Sara like she knew the back of her hand, so why couldn't she think of what was Sara's favorite?

Apple? Orange? Grape? Cranberry? Blueberry pomegranate?!

Since when were there so many choices?!

"Tegan, hey Tegan?" Sara nudged her zoned out sister in the side, studying her eyes as they rapidly scanned the different choices.

"Huh?" Tegan blinked moisture back into her eyes, peering over at Sara looking at her with a crazed look. "Oh.. um.. sorry," she stammered, her face flushing a deep red from embarrassment, and she quickly grabbed a package of Very Berry, hoping it would suffice, and started to head for the check out.

"Wait." Sara stopped her, tugging her backwards by the hem of her long sleeved top. Tegan glanced over her shoulder and turned her body slightly, the juice in her hands removed and set back on the shelf to be replaced by Apple. Sara shook her head and walked past Tegan, muttering, "What's up with you? You're being weirder than normal."

"It's nothing, I'm fine. Let's just go." Tegan stepped ahead to the counter, pulling her wallet from her back pocket and sliding a ten dollar bill through the small half circle cut into the glass dividing them from the cashier. The change was slid back to her and she shoved it into her pocket, thanking the clerk, and walked out the door with the correct juice nestled between her side and upper arm.

The sudden chilly gust of wind from the swinging door stung Sara's features, but she didn't let it affect her, nor would she let Tegan's weirdness ruin their night. Sara had high hopes for what the night would bring. Mostly she was just looking for that confession from Tegan, maybe even a commitment, but she's come to learn to not let herself get too excited. Whatever Tegan presented her with, she would take it without complaint, and if the night led to them finding themselves in bed together, that was just an added bonus.

Walking slightly behind Tegan, Sara kept her pace slow. Even through her baggy clothes, Sara could tell Tegan's body was tense. Her walk was stiff and she kept her head down, losing herself in her thoughts. Sara wondered what could have brought her down so quickly, but her sister was an enigma she felt she would never fully understand.

They reached the front hotel lobby and Tegan waited, her foot propping the door open, waiting for Sara to catch up.

"Thanks!" Sara smiled, returning the favor with the second set of doors.

Tegan smiled her appreciation weakly and led them to the elevator, pressing her side to the wall while they rode in silence to the third floor.

At the door, Tegan dug her wallet back out, fishing the key card out and dipping it into the lock, waiting for the light to turn green. She pushed the door open with her shoulder and plopped herself down on the bed, wasting no time in tearing the plastic off the juice boxes and placing them in the mini fridge.

Sara kicked her sneakers off and shrugged her fleece off her shoulders, letting it fall to the ground without a sound. She grabbed the empty ice bucket from atop the fridge and crossed her legs in the center of the bed, tossing one of the gummy boxes to Tegan. They worked quickly, tearing each individual package apart and dumping the contents into the ice bucket. In a few minutes, they had half a bucket full of gummies and crinkly plastic pieces surrounding them.

The mood lifted significantly as they giggled, brushing the backs of their hands and fingertips softly when they reached in at the same time, scooping up a handful of the chewy fruit snacks.

"So," Tegan started, breaking the silence, but hoping Sara would actually start their talk off. She was much more eloquent with words, and Tegan knew it would be hours before they would make progress if she started, stumbling over her words hopelessly.

"So," Sara continued with an amused smile. She reached for another handful and shifted her body, facing Tegan straight on. "What did you talk about that day in therapy? What made you come to my apartment to talk about..." She paused, suddenly shy, "you know."

Tegan blushed, recalling the cuff marks still present on her wrists while she wrote down all the things she loves about Sara. "You. We talked about you."

"Is that good or bad?" Sara peeked up through her eyelashes, popping a green gummy between her lips. She concentrated on Tegan's expression to make sure she wouldn't lie. Sara couldn't forget what had happened a few days before that session, and knowing how much Tegan thought and reflected obsessively over the things that happened to her, the session could have very easily gone wrong.

"Good, mostly. I had to write down all the pros and cons about you, basically." Tegan smiled, mostly to herself. She knew what Sara's next question would be and even though it sent shivers of anxiety up her spine to answer it, complimenting Sara, and girls in general, was something she enjoyed. With all of Tegan's exes or past crushes, they were always showered in compliments or pet names that were so sweet, they threatened to cause tooth aches. Tegan lived for the genuine smile that always spread across their face and how some, if she was lucky, would hide their faces with their hands and duck away. Tegan hoped Sara was the kind of girl who did that.

Tegan's smile widened at the image and Sara punched her playfully in the shoulder, bringing her back to reality and sending a few gummies in her hand to get lost in the messed up sheets. Tegan pouted, pretending like she was hurt, and rubbed the area that Sara had punched.

Sara rolled her eyes and connected her fist with Tegan's other shoulder, laughing. "C'mon Teegs, tell me what you said!"

"No! You're mean!" Tegan laughed and stuck her tongue out teasingly. She moved away from Sara's body moving closer and off the bed, fetching two juices. She tossed one to Sara then sat on the edge of the bed, smirking and speaking away from Sara. "You really want to know?"

Sara nodded fervently, stabbing the straw into the hole and sucking the juice out noisily. Kneeling over to Tegan, she widened her eyes and pouted her lip. "Please."

"Okay," Tegan said simply, keeping an eye on her twin's body language as she picked her favorites from her list. "I wrote about how you're protective, mega talented, how intelligent you are... I could listen to you talk for hours, and I don't think I'd ever grow tired of it."

Sara looked to her hands and smiled. No one had ever flattered her like that before. Or at least it had never felt so good. She chewed her straw manically, and Tegan knew that was the equivalent to her hiding behind her hands. She flashed a toothy grin, and turned mischievous. "And then of course there's your big ass."

"You bitch!" Sara laughed, throwing herself at Tegan. Tegan fell backwards onto the bed, chuckling, and tightened her muscles, trying to throw Sara off. She won out and flipped them, smiling cockily, a little too soon, and they rolled, back and forth across the bed sheets competing for dominance, the bucket of fruit snacks tipping over and sticking to their sweaty flesh.

Sara again overpowered Tegan, lying with her front against Tegan's back, trying to pin down Tegan's grabbing arms, trying to reach for anything that could help her. Her fingers connected with a soft fabric and she grabbed ahold of it, using all her strength to top Sara and pull her fleece over her face, taunting her to give in.

Sara's limbs lashed out, struggling to breath and force Tegan off of her until, her arms and legs went limp at her side.

Tegan noticed instantly and her stomach dropped. Tossing the fleece to the side in terror, Tegan turned Sara's still face to the ceiling. "Sara? Sara, wake up!" She screamed, cupping Sara's left cheek and gently tapping the other flushed side with her fingertips. Sara's pudgy cheek shook slightly from the taps, but the rest of her remained still.

"Shit.. shit.. Oh God, Sara.." Tegan quietly sobbed, moving her hands down to Sara's limp shoulders and shook her more violently. She leaned down, her ear parallel to Sara's dry lips and she concentrated hard on listening for the faint whistle of breathing through her heart pounding in her ear drums.

There wasn't a sound, but Tegan felt something. Sara's moist tongue was ghosting its way around her earlobe teasingly. Confused, Tegan started to pull away, but before she could see the evil smirk spreading across Sara's features, she was moving backwards in a panicked blur off the bed.

Panting, and in pain, Sara's giggles found their way to Tegan's burning ears, tickling her skin as Sara spoke lowly. "Gotcha!"

Tegan grunted and nudged her shoulder forward, striking Sara in the center of her chest. "Fuck, Sara! I thought I killed you!"

Sara's laughter broke out loudly, filling the room, making it impossible for Tegan to stay mad, especially when Sara looked the way she did.

Straddling Tegan's stomach with her head thrown back, her taut neck was exposed and her bleached hair stuck out around her ears. Tegan was entirely entranced. Sara may not have been everyone's definition of perfect but in that moment, Tegan was sure she was hers.

Tegan's body moved on its own, her brain too overwhelmed to send the messages to her muscles. Hands found their way to Sara's curves, drawing Sara from her laughing fit. Sitting up, Tegan's front flushed against Sara's and her eyes were even with her neck. Cocking her head slowly, Tegan brushed her lips just barely to the prominent vein in Sara's neck, whose breath caught in her throat, and she lowered her head, looking Tegan in the eye.

The fear was still set deep in Tegan's hazel eyes, but the love that coexisted with it, seemed to be overpowering it at the moment.

"Tegan," Sara said softly, resting her palms on either side of Tegan's shoulders. "Will you do that again?"

Tegan nodded, swallowing loudly. Though she was completely clothed, she had never felt so bare. It had never been like this before. The both of them were in their right state of mind, no one was angry or crying, and everything felt natural. It was all progressing as it was supposed to; two young girls exploring the love they felt for each other.

Leaning forward, Tegan took a glance up at Sara, and moved her course of direction. With Sara's eyes closed and lips slightly parted, breathe exhaling in heavy wisps, Tegan pressed her lips against Sara's sweetly for a fleeting moment.

Tegan pulled back and bit her lip, watching the smile form on Sara's face as she slowly opened her eyes. "Okay, that was adorable." Sara gushed, her heart swelling.

Tegan's smile grew wide and for a moment, they just stared at each other before hurriedly diving in to continue the kiss with much more passion. Sara bunched Tegan's shirt in her fists and fell back to the rough carpet, taking Tegan with her. Her legs wrapped around Tegan's waist and her ankles hooked, trapping Tegan in her place.

Tegan trailed her hand up and down Sara's side slowly, slipping it under her shirt the same time she moved away from Sara's lips and to her jawline, down to her neck where she left faint red marks that would fade by morning.

Sara's breath hitched and she struggled to keep her eyes from rolling into the back of her head. The night was going how she wanted, but she didn't exactly picture it happening on the floor. They both needed for their actions to be more romantic, less brought upon by lust and more on love.

"Wait, wait." Sara breathed heavily, pulling Tegan's hand out from under her shirt.

Tegan lifted her head and peered down at Sara, her eyebrows slightly creased, questioning her.

"Let's take this to the bed?" Sara suggested, loosening her legs and running her hands through Tegan's short locks.

"Yeah," Tegan agreed, getting to her feet and helping Sara up with her outstretched hand. Sara climbed onto the bed, resuming the position she was just in and watched Tegan crawl on top of her and begin to tug her shirt off.

Her pointed hip bones were exposed first, making it hard for Sara to keep her hands at her side, then her delicious curves and her ribs, revealing the start of her bra. Sara made every effort to take in as much of Tegan's creamy skin as she could and when she got to a particular spot, she broke into a fit of laughter.

"What?" Tegan frowned, moving to cover her chest with her arms. Certainly a girl had never laughed like that at her when she took her shirt off, and it wasn't like this was the first time Sara had seen her naked. What could be so funny?

Sara reached forward and pulled the red, sticky gummy off from Tegan's side with a giggle and popped it into her mouth, chewing it slowly.

"Oh," Tegan chuckled. She looked down to her torso to see if there were any more stuck to her and when she couldn't find any, she tossed her shirt to the side and started to unbutton Sara's jeans.

In a flash, they were both free of their clothing and Tegan resumed her lip lock with every inch of Sara's skin, biting and sucking until she reached the trimmed patch of hair between Sara's legs. Instinctively, Sara's legs parted, begging for her sister's touch and Tegan obliged, dipping her tongue between her sweet, already drenched folds.

Tegan hummed, pleasantly surprised. It was the first time she had really tasted Sara, and how she had gone so long with out her taste buds savoring the flavor, she couldn't comprehend. She ate like it was her first time, as well as her last, making Sara's body twitch under her and release the sweet melody that was Sara's moaning from her lips.

Sara balled the sheets up tightly in her grasp, already feeling herself close to the edge. It was happening much too fast for her liking, and as much as she was enjoying what Tegan was doing to her, it still didn't feel right. She forced her muscles to work, propping herself up on her elbows and looking at Tegan, look at her.

"Tegan, hey, stop for a second." She moaned out reluctantly.

Tegan blinked and slowly pulled away, a string of Sara's cum connecting to her bottom lip. She wiped her mouth, her heart beating loudly as she felt like her worst fear was coming true. "What's wrong? Am I.. am I not good?"

"No, no, it's ..amazing. Really." Sara made sure to reassure her. She wiped herself off Tegan's cheek with her thumb and motioned for her to come closer. "I just want you up here, I want to see you."

Tegan exhaled, relieved, and aligned her body with Sara's, lowering herself to one elbow, leaving only enough space between their bodies for their arms and fingers to dance down their stomachs and to where they needed each other most.

Slipping only a single digit in, Tegan started first, only adding a second when Sara plunged two into her right away. Their breathing was rugged, the feeling of their sweaty skin moving against the others and their sensitive nipples brushing on each thrust made their low moans more frequent from the intensity happening within themselves.

Every part of them was in sync, as if they truly were a single entity. Chests rose and fell as one, their fingers pumped in and out at the same pace, and their eyelids fluttered as they tried to keep their dilated pupils in contact.

Walls pulsing, Tegan worked harder, preparing herself for when Sara came. She lowered her head next to Sara's, her lips next to Sara's ear and she waited for the contractions around her fingers as she quickly entered a third.

"I love you." Tegan confessed into Sara's ear with confidence as her body shook jerkily along with the one beneath her.

As the words traveled into Sara's ear hotly, she cried out, her orgasm intensifying. The hold she had on Tegan's hair threatened to leave a bald spot when it would finally slacken. Tegan whimpered, every part of her, mind, body, and soul was experiencing something she had never felt, there were no words to describe it, but she knew only Sara could be the cause of it.

Minutes passed before either of the girl's breathing returned to normal, but even then, they were still coasting on their high.

Sara slipped her fingers out of Tegan with a slick squelch and sucked them into her mouth, never breaking their connection. She grinned wide and pulled them out, tapping them against Tegan's cheek in the same manner Tegan had done to her earlier, speaking in her husky, post coital voice. "Go get me a juice box."

Tegan scoffed, rolling her eyes. Typical Sara. Tegan herself was much more in the mood to light a cigarette, but the juice would suffice. She pushed Sara's face sideways into the pillow with a laugh, teasing her like sisters do, and scooted back to rest on her knees with her three fingers still lodged inside Sara. Slowly she pulled them out, her lips turning up into a wicked grin as she slid them upwards, rubbing them slightly over Sara's still sensitive clit, and made her body jerk.

"Ugh!" Sara whined, crossing her legs quickly and slugging Tegan in the arm until she scrambled off the bed, still laughing to herself. She swung open the fridge, grabbing two more boxes, and hopped back onto the bed, snuggling herself next to Sara, opening one of the juices and offering it to her.

"Yum," Sara smiled, placing a sweet kiss to Tegan's cheek, who blushed, sipping on her juice.

Tegan ran her empty hand over the sheets, searching for Sara's. Their fingers linked with the others, and they both had the same thing on their mind. Maybe things weren't going to be as difficult as they thought.


	13. Black Clouds Rolling In

**A/N**: It's about damn time, right? I apologize in advance for taking the story back this way, especially after so long without updating but c'mon, you gotta love some angst every once in a while, right? Well in any case, I hope you enjoy and that you let me know that you did, or didn't. Thanks and happy reading!

P.S. I wrote a oneshot, called **Tegan's Happy Ending** so if you haven't read that yet, I would appreciate it if you did. It'll be a nice pick me up after this chapter. :)

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The sun was just starting to rise. Rays of red and orange shone into the open back door of the van. Tegan kicked her legs as they hung over the edge of the bed and into the crisp Autumn air. She nestled the guitar into her lap and listened, her bent ear tilted close to the strings while she tuned it. Her sister, wrapped up in a blanket only a foot behind her, stirred, waking up to the sweet sounds.

Sara yawned, stretching our her tired muscles, and rolled, eager to giver her sister a good morning kiss, but when she saw her, she stopped. Tegan was still in pajamas, and her hair was sticking up every which way, giving her the most adorable bed head. Tegan started to hum, thinking she was the only one awake at this early hour, and bobbed her head to the beat of the song forming in her head.

Sara watched in awe. Tegan was undoubtedly the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. How she didn't realize that before that crucial day on the bus, she didn't care to know. Tegan was her's now and that was all that mattered at the end of the day. Unable to resist the urge any longer, Sara crawled to Tegan and sat next to her with her legs resting under the neck of the guitar.

Though Tegan's eyes were shut, she smiled, knowing Sara was awake and there with her. The dam broke loose and inspiration flowed through her, making her fingers tingle and twitch as they picked the strings. Sara was her muse and what started off as just passing the time, turned into a real song. She finished a rough start to the bridge to what would later become one of their most popular unreleased songs and let herself look at Sara, glowing in the sun.

"Good morning." Sara hummed, kissing the freckles on Tegan's shoulder. "Have you been up long?"

"All night, I suppose." Tegan answered, putting the guitar behind her on the bed. She hopped out of the van onto the gravel and stretched her arms above her head. She felt well rested, despite her lack of sleep, and looped her arms around Sara's waist and rose to her toes to give Sara a kiss, who hooked her ankles around the middle of Tegan's back, and brushing her bed head out of her eyes, asked with a furrowed brow, "Why's that?"

"Well, after we were done, ya know, making love last night," Tegan blushed, and bunched Sara's top in her hands to distract herself from looking her sister in the eye. "You fell asleep with your head in my lap, so I was just playing with your hair while watching you sleep and before I knew it, the sun was coming up."

Hearing this made Sara grin from ear to ear and she giggled. Tegan's shyness and aversion to talking about sex would never fail to amuse her. It also made her heart skip a beat to know that Tegan could be occupied with her for hours with something so simple as watching her sleep.

"I love it when you call it making love." Sara mused, placing a kiss to the crown of Tegan's head.

Tegan's ears burned red as she blushed harder and spoke to Sara's feet rather than her face. "Well that's what we're doing, right? Making love?"

"Yep, and a lot of it." Sara said, trying to make light of the suddenly serious conversation, and gave a wink, though it went unnoticed. She was well aware Tegan was needy and insecure when it came to relationships, and being her partner, bore all the weight of having to make sure she was constantly reassured that what they were doing wasn't based solely on some weird, taboo kink they shared. With a smooth of Tegan's hair, Sara coerced her back into the van and onto her lap. Tegan straddled Sara and twisted around to tug the van door shut.

The tinted windows hid Sara lifting Tegan's tank from her body, leaving her topless, from their neighboring campers. Delicate hands roamed creamy, goosebump ridden skin and Tegan found herself on her back with her sister's fingers dipping beneath the waistband of her boxers. She sighed, and linked her fingers together on the back of Sara's neck, who hovered above her.

Since Tegan gave in, confessing the love she felt for Sara less than three weeks ago, she had found herself in this position many times. She wasn't against Sara consistently topping her but sometimes it felt to be too much. Every second of free time they had it seemed like somewhere, somehow they were having sex. Tegan knew she would be digging her own grave if she brought it up, but an emotional connection was just as important, if not more at times, than a physical connection. Sometimes it was necessary to just cuddle and talk.

Sara plowed into her roughly, as was her usual, natural way and Tegan couldn't bite her tongue any longer.

"Is this how you fucked other girls? She asked, with a whimper of pleasure escaping between her lips.

Sara's head shot up, tearing her attention away from one of her favorite sights; watching her fingers slide in and out of Tegan. Reacting on instinct, she shot back: "Is this how other girls fucked you?"

The tension thickened, suffocating them in the small interior, and Sara stilled her fingers inside Tegan but when their eyes met, they both sighed. It was hard when the annoyance they felt towards each other as sisters would overlap with the desire to make sure the other was always comfortable and the compassion they felt as lovers.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Well... no." Tegan said quietly, feeling hypocritical, but she was already halfway there, there was no point in stopping now.

Sara chuckled, though she was less than amused. "And no, this isn't how I fucked other girls because this is making love, you know, the thing we just talked about like three minutes ago? I didn't love them. I love _you_, remember?"

Tegan nodded, unable to form a response, and clamped her eyes shut, letting Sara finish her off. Her arms fell limp at her sides and her chest heaved against Sara's, lying on top of her. Tegan's toes were numb and she wore a dazed smile. Though their personal sexual preferences were different, Tegan being much more sweet, Sara never failed to make her feel like she was on cloud nine.

Sara touched her lips to Tegan's jaw and neck fleetingly, held her waist with her thumb moving in small circles, and listened to her breathing calm and steady itself. She knew Tegan liked to be held after, and with time, she was slowly beginning to like it as well.

Before the thoughts lingering in the back of Tegan's mind could creep forward about her wanting to talk about their relationship, her lack of sleep sunk in, exhaustion washed over her and she succumbed to sleep in Sara's arms.

The sun now high in the sky and Tegan tucked comfortable and safely in bed with Sara's pillow hugged tightly to her chest to make up for the absence of her body, Sara buckled herself into the driver's seat and departed from the campsite.

It was a long, tiring drive without the company of Tegan and since she couldn't blast music either, she stared at the road ahead, bored, waiting for Tegan to stir. When Sara was positive she would go crazy if she didn't stop soon and talk to someone, or even a squirrel in a park would suffice at that point, she pulled off the next exit and into a 7-Eleven parking lot. Gently she woke up Tegan, leading her groggy body into the gas station for a bathroom break and snacks.

With a blue raspberry slushie for each of them and a bag of chips to share, the rest of the ride to the venue was quick. While they were waiting for the stage to clear in the decently sized club, Sara leaned against the wall, absentmindedly toying with the strings of her guitar. She turned to Tegan and opened her mouth wide, poking out her tongue. "Is my tongue blue?"

Tegan smiled with a nod and stuck her own tongue out, asking: "Is mine?"

Sara giggled, and went in for a cautious kiss to Tegan's cheek. Tegan blushed, and her eyes widened while her head poked out to the audience to see if anyone had been spying and saw. Her heart rate returned to normal when she convinced herself no one had seen and when they were ready, walked out onto the stage feeling ten feet tall, heightened with confidence.

The show went by fast, and if anyone had asked, the girls would agree that it was one of, if not the best performance they had ever put on. Neither one messed up a single song, and the banter was fresh and entertaining. The crowd was mesmerized, and would leave home long time fans of the twins. After the show, the line at their merch table seemed to to span the entire length of the club and by the time they were done greeting new fans, signing autographs, and selling their music, along with a few t-shirts, the twins were still riding on their high. Tonight was one of those nights they lived for, and dreamed of having every time they performed. After the last person in line was done, they packed up the boxes, most of them empty, and locked everything into the van before heading back into the club for a celebratory drink.

Standing side by side at the bar, they ordered their usual choices of Canadian beer, and Sara slapped down a ten dollar bill, motioning for the bartender to keep the change. Looking out into the club, watching people dance or just drink casually at a table with friends, Tegan and Sara didn't talk. The brush of their shoulders each time the other would lift the bottle to their lips was all the communication they needed.

The minutes ticked by until their drinks were gone and Sara turned to order two more. She tapped her fingers to the beat of the song playing in the speakers overhead against the bar and out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a grungy man eyeing Tegan and herself up and down. She groaned inwardly, and prayed that he would keep his distance. It was obvious he wasn't a fan, and was just some creep who wanted to hit on them. Sara knew they were cute and that they would have to get used to this, but she didn't want to start on a night that had sent her mood roaring into the sky.

With her hands full with beer once again, she turned back to Tegan and kept her body turned, to ward off the man still staring at her. Tegan took the stance as a sign of affection and looped her index finger stealthily into Sara's belt loop, while looking off in the distance and sipping from her beer.

"E-Excuse m-me, miss," the man hiccuped with inebriation behind Sara, tapping her on the shoulder.

Sara's skin crawled as the man's finger repeatedly touched her and she fought to not swat at him like a pesky mosquito. She shot Tegan a careful look then glanced over her shoulder, following the dirt caked under the man's fingernails to his worn jacket, up to his aging face. He looked between the two, getting a better look now that he was up close, and a sleazy smile formed on his face that made the alcohol in Sara's system bubble.

Painfully, Sara attempted a friendly smile. "Yes?"

With the same boney finger, he gestured between the two, asking the one question she never wanted to hear, "Didn't I-I see you t-two in some porno?"

All the blood in Sara's face drained, making her light headed, and she gulped for air, trying to muster up some kind of comprehensible, and believable, answer. She felt the jerk of Tegan ripping her finger from her pants, and then the absence of her presence. If the man had any brains, he would have known that, that was all the answer he needed to know that yes, they were those girls.

Weaving through the mess of people and tables, Tegan bolted, a viselike grip on her drink until she crashed through the backdoor and hurled the glass at the wall. Like her heart, it shattered into a thousand pieces and fell to the ground, broken and useless. This wasn't how her life was supposed to go. She should have never fucked her sister for money, which led to the turmoil of quickly falling for her, and then completely in love. She should have never confessed that love. It was wrong. Sara was wrong. The therapist had been wrong. Those feelings were meant to be bottled up and shipped out to sea, only to wash up on a deserted island, never to be found or thought of again.

Inside the club, Sara was still struggling, torn between running after Tegan, who she knew was already retreating back into herself, to punching the man square in the jaw. Convincingly enough, she managed a reply of disgust, telling the man off, and bolted after her sister. By the time she caught up, and peered into the tinted windows, the van was trashed. Each drawer of the cubby where they had kept their clothes was dumped onto the floor, covering it in heaps of multicolored wrinkles.

In the now empty space, within the shadows, Tegan folded in on herself, praying that the walls would enclose on her and smash out the living nightmare she feared she would never escape.


	14. Lovers Until The Sun Rises

The minutes passed. The owls hooted in the trees and crickets chirped in the grass surrounding the backside of the club.

Sara watched through the window, palms pressed tightly against the glass, leaving oily handprints, while Tegan dug herself deeper into the shadows and wept. Sara vaguely wondered if they would ever move again, if Tegan would ever stop crying, or if they would both just die there, stuck in that moment forever. She held back her own tears, though she feared doing so would somehow cause herself to drown.

The back door to the club creeped open and Sara turned her stiff neck to the owner. He politely explained they had to go. The parking lot couldn't be used over night. She nodded with a sigh and walked to the other side of the can with creaky knees. The keys were already waiting for her on the seat and she scooped them up, turning back to look Tegan, who had emerged only enough for half her face to be illuminated in a faint flow, giving Sara a look at her wet, distraught features.

"Hotel," was all Tegan could croak out.

"Okay," Sara replied quietly and drove off towards the streets downtown, where she found the most decent hotel they could afford. She didn't know where Tegan and her stood so she opted for two beds instead of the usual one. If it happened to upset Tegan, all Sara had to do was lie and say it was all that was available.

"Room 217." Sara handed one of the key cards over.

Tegan grasped it, careful not to let skin touch skin, and stumbled into the hotel lobby and towards the stairs with nothing but the clothes on her back.

Sara turned back to the disastrous state Tegan had put the van in. She was too exhausted to clean now, and quickly gathered up pajamas and a change of clothes for the both of them, their toothbrushes, and a single cigarette and lighter for Tegan, just in case.

In the hotel, Tegan sat at the very edge of the bed, her posture painfully perfect and her hollow gaze forward, burning a hole into the wall. Sara placed Tegan's nighttime things in her lap, along with the cigarette and lighter, before excusing herself to the bathroom with her own things.

Sara took her time getting ready for bed. She knew what was going to happen when Tegan and her were both in bed, lying on their backs and staring at the ceiling. It was over. They were over. Their relationship had only lasted a month before it all came crumbling down, and Sara was terrified about how it would all go down. The small amount of alcohol she had after the show was still in her system, she could feel it slowing down her senses, so it had to have been the same for Tegan, and if it were six months ago, Sara knew what that would have meant, but Tegan was over leaving her sister a bloody, bruised mess when things didn't go her way.

Looking into the mirror, Sara could still see all of the marks Tegan had left on her even if they were long faded, and she hated to admit there was a part of her that wished that's how Tegan would treat her tonight. Sometimes physical pain was easier to bare than emotional pain.

Following closely behind once Sara exited the bathroom, Tegan dropped her things on the counter and knocked the toilet seat cover down before sitting, her head in her palms and her heart in the pit of her stomach.

It was impossible for her to wrap her mind around the past twenty-hour hours. She had watched the sunrise while Sara slept curled up beside her, feeling happier than she ever had, and then it had been ripped from her by someone she didn't even know. It wasn't fair, none of it was, but it is what it is.

Tegan quickly brushed her teeth and changed, knowing she had to get it over with now. She threw her things on the dresser and walked over to the window with her cigarette, opened it all the way and sat on the sill, sparking up. She took a few long puffs then looked over to Sara, sitting on the bed, her knees drawn up and finally allowing herself to cry.

Tegan's heart leapt from her stomach and onto the cheap carpet, where it lay shriveled and spurting blood. She couldn't stand to see Sara in such a state, but it was inevitable.

She ashed her cigarette and stared out the window. "We have to get that video destroyed. I don't care what it takes. It's ruined our lives, and it's only going to get worse."

Sara flinched and met Tegan's eyes. They were filled with a darkness she had never seen in her sister before. Tegan felt nothing but hatred towards the man who did this to them and if it meant giving up her life to salvage what remained between her and Sara, so be it.

"After this tour I'm hunting him and every website down until it's gone." Tegan gritted through her teeth and flicked the burnt out butt out the window.

"Okay." Sara nodded. She'd do anything to spend time with Tegan off the road, even if only as sisters.

"As for us," Tegan abruptly stood and crossed her arms tightly over her chest, letting the tears fall freely. "We can't, Sare. I love you more than you could possibly ever know but I can only handle so much. We have to put this behind us and never look back, no matter how much it hurts."

"I know." Sara sobbed quietly, burying her face into a pillow. She couldn't fight for Tegan anymore without it killing her. She would have to find someone else to love.

The mattress dipped and groaned with the addition of Tegan's body weight. Sara peeked above the pillow, wondering what Tegan was about to do. Tegan tried to smile and pulled the pillow away, putting it back in place. Her heart thumped on the floor as she whispered, "We can still have tonight, if you want. I don't want to forget what you feel like."

Sara understood. It was the last chance for them to be together. They couldn't let it slip by. They had to remember. Fifty years from now, they needed to remember.

Sara uncurled and Tegan knew she was saying yes. She started to back off the bed. "I'll go brush my teeth."

"It's okay." Sara reached out to wrap her fingers around Tegan's wrist to bring her back. She wanted Tegan as she was in this moment, even if she did taste like an ash tray. Sara wanted it all, good and bad.

Tegan helped Sara out of her shirt and Sara did the same. They slipped out of their boxers and Tegan moved over to the lamp in the corner, dimming it. She didn't want to see her tears falling onto Sara.

Neither said a word as they looked into each other's eyes, Tegan lying flush on top of Sara. Sara choked on the mournful cries stuck in her throat and latched onto Tegan, memorizing every last bit of her.

She clenched her eyes shut, squeezing out the tears, and thought to herself:

_This is how it feels to run my fingertips over the delicate skin stretched over her ribcage._

_This is how the bumps and dips of her spine feel if I drag my nails hard enough along it._

_This is how it feels to have her eyelashes flutter along my flesh as she kisses my neck._

_This is how her hair tickles the spaces between my fingers when she moves down my body and I need to hold her for support._

_This is how she takes my breath away with the hungriness within her._

_This is how it feels to have her move inside of me and reduce me to nothing but a whimpering mess._

_This is how it feels. . . to be. . . in. . . love._

"Sara," Tegan stroked the blonde and brown hair away from Sara's face. "Open your eyes."

Sara shook her head, adamant. If she stayed in the darkness behind her eyelids, then she could stay in a world where her and Tegan could be together.

"_Please_." Tegan whispered into Sara's ear.

The heartbreak and desperation in her voice forced Sara's eyes to pop open and she stared into the identical honeyed pools of her sister.

"You have to know this isn't what I want, Sara." Tegan shook her head sadly, wiping her tears away with the bed sheet tucked under Sara. "It just ...wasn't meant to be. Maybe in another lifetime, under different circumstances, we'll be brought together but not here... not now."

"I can't promise that this won't destroy me Tegan. I've fallen so hard for you that I don't remember what it was like before. I don't remember who I was."

"I know. " Tegan hushed, understanding Sara more than she cared to. She placed a kiss to Sara's forehead then fell onto her back and searched for Sara's hand amongst the mess of tangled sheets.

Their fingers fit perfectly together and Tegan almost pulled away. It was too much to bear to have your soulmate by your side when you couldn't really have them. Tegan knew she would spend the rest of her life trying to find the hand that fit second best.

"Sara?" Tegan spoke, staring up at the ceiling. She felt the skip of Sara's pulse against her wrist and she squeezed harder.

Even the way Tegan said her name made Sara's heart jump. She didn't know how she was going to get over that, let alone find someone else who could do that to her.

"Yeah, Tegan?"

Tegan pulled Sara on top of her and held her face in her hands. Her ankles hooked on the inside of Sara's calves and she kissed her on the lips tenderly.

Sara tasted herself and she was forced to bury her face in the crook of her sister's neck to stifle a cry. During their short lived relationship, it quickly became her favorite thing about kissing Tegan after they made love. She didn't want to believe that tonight would be the last time she would have the privilege of tasting. Sara hoped that Tegan would neurotically lick her lips through the night to savor her until the taste was gone or it was inevitable that she brush it away.

"Sara, I want..." Tegan started, then paused to lift Sara's head so they were once again looking at each other. A tear fell from Sara's eye and landed on Tegan's pouty bottom lip. She licked away the salty liquid and cleared her throat, knowing this was the last time she would ever utter these words.

"I want you to show me what it's like to be loved by you."

Another tear fell and Sara gave a nod of acknowledgment. She pulled the bed sheet over their bodies and starting at Tegan's forehead, she kissed ever inch of skin visible. She kissed down to the tips of each of her toes and back up, where she situated herself between Tegan's legs. She stretched her arms up and Tegan held her hands in a vice grip.

Sara took in the heady scent with a deep breath and stared at Tegan's swollen lips, already glistening with her need. She willed herself not to cry and buried her face in deep, taking in all of Tegan that she possibly could.

Tegan cried out, the sudden burst of pleasure had been unexpected and her legs clamped around Sara's head, forcing Sara deeper.

Sara could hardly breath, but she didn't mind. If she suffocated between Tegan's legs, she would consider it a heavenly way to die.

"Oh Sare." Tegan whimpered softly. No one had eaten her like this before and she knew Sara had been telling the truth that morning. Sara didn't fuck other girls like this because Sara had never been in love like this before.

Sara wiggled her tongue in deep and Tegan's toes curled. She knew she was on the brink of the most intense orgasm of her life and she lifted Sara's hand up to her mouth. Sara uncurled two fingers and Tegan slipped them into her mouth, sucking and biting as she felt her body go completely numb with pleasure.

Her breath caught in her throat and she broke the skin on Sara's knuckles. Blood trickled onto her taste buds but her brain was such a muddled mess, she couldn't bring herself to care.

Slowly her legs relaxed and released Sara, who gasped for air and slowly made her way up, leaving shiny wet kissed as she went. She hovered above Tegan and Tegan stroked her face, admiring the way her hair clung to her face with sweat and how her cheeks glistened with her come.

They shared a sad smile and Sara lowered herself back down, nuzzling into Tegan's chest one final time. She turned her head towards the window, the curtain swayed slightly from the breeze and over the buildings in the distance she could see the faint orange and red hues.

The sun was rising. Their night was over.


End file.
